


Beginnings

by blackchaps



Series: Accidents [7]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11031003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: Toby and Elliot talk for the first time about what they want. It doesn't go well.





	Beginnings

*******

Toby found the map he was looking for at the library and settled down to study it carefully. Of course he knew where the cemetery was, he didn't know the best route to get there, and if he was going to need a bicycle or what. Sure, he could take a cab, but he wanted to go alone, alone and unnoticed, if at all possible.

When Chris had died, Father Mukada had given him last rites, but burying him in a Catholic cemetery had presented a host of problems that Toby hadn't known how to deal with. Chris's wives, all of them, had refused to claim the body. Grief, new charges of manslaughter, and suddenly being transported to Rikers; it had all combined to create the situation where Toby had begged his brother to take care of it. Angus had agreed, reluctantly, and they'd never discussed it again, but it was past time to find out what he was paying monthly rent for. On the other hand, maybe it hadn't been long enough. Most days, he wasn't sure.

Toby put his mind back on the map. It was a long way from his apartment. He traced the route with his finger and had a thought. How far was it from his brother's house? Toby smiled. Ten miles from his brother's house. It was possible. Bike or legs: he could get there.

"The computer is the best way to find out where you're going."

Toby rolled up the map and glanced at the young woman. "Probably so, but I like maps. Do you work here?"

She nodded. "I can return that for you."

"Thanks." Toby handed it over. He still didn't have a computer. His reluctance to buy one was ridiculous. Stabler wouldn't care, but it was there, hanging over Toby's head like a dark cloud. She smiled, took the map away, and he started to make a plan. Should he bike or run? And how to ditch Stabler for a weekend? He wandered toward the exit and caught the bus back towards his apartment. There was plenty to think about on the ride home.

********

Stabler shoved his hands in his pockets. "Usually we get our heads shrunk after the case!"

"This time is different." Cragen sat down heavily at his desk. "And you can't work it anyway. You're too close, and you know it!"

"I can handle it!" Stabler could. He was fine. Damn it.

"No. I'm not taking any chances on the defense throwing out evidence, claiming that you tainted it." Cragen had made up his mind. "Take a week. That's an order."

"A week!" Stabler tried to stomp on his temper, but he was too angry. "That's ridiculous!"

"Thank you, Detective." Cragen tapped his finger on the desk. "And leave your gun. You're too emotional."

Stabler swallowed hard. He had made this worse. Huang nodded his agreement, and it was bitter to see. Stabler unclipped his gun and put it down right in front of his captain. "One week."

"See your shrink." Cragen refused to give an inch, and Huang tried to look sympathetic. Stabler didn't even want to look at him. Huang had drawn the wrong conclusions. Cragen put the gun in his drawer. "Elliot, you know I'm right."

Stabler refused to open his mouth and get fired. He left the office. Benson got up from her desk, and it was obvious she cared. Stabler turned off his lamp and grabbed his coat. "I'll see you in a week."

Benson's mouth fell open. "I need you on this case!"

"Talk to the captain." Stabler walked away before he hurt someone. Huang had opened his big mouth, and it was over. Yes, he was close to the case, but it only made the desire to find the perp stronger. Damn. Didn't they get it?

********

Toby stopped at Starbucks, checked his email, and got some coffee. He didn't rush home. It wasn't even lunch, and there was nowhere he had to be today. Some part of him kept waiting for his parole officer to call or show up. The fact that he didn't made the back of Toby's neck itch from worry. Years of following the rules were behind it. He wasn't sure if he was doing what he was supposed to do. Stabler wasn't much help. As long as he knew where Toby was, more or less, and Toby didn't use, everything was fine. Wasn't it? Toby wasn't always sure. These past weeks, a taste of freewill had begun to sink into his bones, and it made him very uncomfortable.

"Hey Toby!"

Toby tossed a wave at one of the Muslims that was leaving his building. Nice, young man and he was doing a good job on his parole. Toby leaned against the bricks and enjoyed the sunshine.

"Beecher, you slacker, find a fucking job."

"Hi, Steve." Toby sipped his coffee. Natalini was the parole officer for the Muslims that lived on the first floor - the poor bastards. "I have two jobs. It's enough."

"Right." Natalini laughed. "Ass consultant and slum lord."

"Natalini, move along or I'll kick your ass."

Toby whipped his head around. It was Stabler, and he looked mad as fucking hell. Natalini barked a laugh. "You should've told me you wanted him. I'd have turned him over with a smile!"

Stabler's eyes were angry. "Toby, is this man harassing you?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Toby drank some more coffee. Natalini finally seemed to understand that Stabler was not in a good mood.

"Enjoy the bitch!" Natalini strode off to his car. Toby was glad he'd seen the prick. It was a good reminder that he wasn't free, and he better not get comfortable. Stabler unlocked the door and went inside. He looked so pissed that Toby didn't much want to go in with him.

Toby knew him well enough to know that it was the job that had done it, but the friendly fire around Stabler could get pretty intense. Not too long ago, he'd have braved it without hesitating, but that was before they'd spent time in bed together. Ten minutes that wouldn't go away and that they never talked about. Huang would say it was classic avoidance behavior, and Tom made it easier by showing up regularly. Tom was a problem. He wanted Toby to move in with him, and he was pushing hard for it to happen soon.

"I'm going to Cavanaugh's," Stabler growled. All he'd done was stop to get his mail.

"Can I come?" Toby answered automatically. The burgers there were good and greasy.

Stabler stopped, and the glare was still there. "No date with Tom?"

Toby finally heard the anger and jealousy. He heard it loud and clear. "We need to talk about that."

Stabler looked up the street. "Car."

Toby had never been invited so politely. He tossed his coffee cup in the trash and followed his PO to the car.

********

Stabler didn't want to talk, and he sure as hell didn't want to talk about Tom. He'd had dinner one too many times with Tom and the guy showed up every morning like clockwork. Beecher didn't say a word during the ride there. Stabler kept waiting for some sort of revelation, but it didn't happen. He shut off the car and looked over at him.

"What?"

Beecher unbuckled his seat belt. "Tom asked me to move in with him."

Stabler flashed his quick, fake grin. "And you said?"

"Not much. I was surprised." Beecher didn't reach for the door handle.

"Why didn't you tell him the truth? It's posted on the damn fridge!" Stabler tried not to yell, but failed miserably.

"It's fucked up." Beecher shrugged. "Forget it."

Stabler knew there was more to the story, and the last thing he wanted to do was drag it out of him, but, shit. "Spill it, Beech."

"Tom thinks you're topping me. He wants me out."

"You are making this shit up!" Stabler got out of the car and slammed the door hard. He ignored Beecher and went in the bar. Beecher didn't let that slow him down, and he slid onto the bench opposite of Stabler. They ordered burgers, fries, and Cokes.

Beecher finally gave him a shrug and a look. "I told Tom to forget it, but I have a feeling that he's going to confront you. I wanted to let you know."

"Maybe a night in a holding cell will convince him not to talk to me!" Stabler rubbed his hand along the side of his head. He did not need this shit today. "Don't I have enough problems without you dating a stalker?"

"I'm sure you do. I'll try to run interference." Beecher fiddled with the napkin on the table. "Did Cragen suspend you again?"

"Go to hell," Stabler snarled. He leaned away and wanted to shoot someone or at least smack them around. "You have no idea what's going on."

"You're off work in the middle of the day without your gun." Beecher slid out of the bench. "I'm going to piss and then I'm sitting at the bar."

Stabler bit his lip. He drove everyone away. His anger made him impossible to work with, and Beecher wasn't going to put up with any shit. That had been made clear to him. Stabler squeezed his hands together and breathed deeply. He would not give in to his anger.

********

Toby ate his lunch and watched the game on the TV. Stabler didn't join him, and that was fine. Toby wanted to eat. He didn't want to argue or take a shot to the face. On days like these, Stabler looked too much like Chris. It was hard to stomach. It was that damn anger. It raged just like Chris's had, but somehow Stabler managed to lock it down. Chris had killed people. Stabler didn't, not much, and only in the line of duty.

"You done?" Stabler looked like a lit piece of dynamite.

"Sure." Toby paid his bill and finished his Coke. He eased off the barstool. "Where now?"

"Home." Stabler didn't wait one second longer. Toby considered a cab, but it would push Stabler in a bad direction. The ride back seemed even longer, and Toby wanted to bolt for the park. They went up the stairs together, and he tried desperately to think of something he had to do that required him to leave. Fuck. He needed a job.

Stabler put his stuff down on the counter and pointed at the fridge. "So, which is it?"

Toby understood him, instantly. "Oh, I'm not moving out. I only mentioned it because I think Tom will confront you."

"Too bad. I was going to invest in some more weights," Stabler snapped.

"You can use my gym pass." Toby went to stare out the window. Getting to the cemetery was going to be complicated if Stabler was suspended and mad as hell. "Tell me what happened at work."

Stabler seemed to take a deep breath. "Friend of mine was raped and killed."

Toby turned from the view. "I'm sorry for your loss." He was sorry. The word rape still made him smell his own burning flesh.

"She worked in the ME's office. I'd known her for years. Cragen said I was too close to the case. Huang put on his sad face, and that was the end of it." Stabler paced back and forth, shoving the barstool out of the way. "They don't get it."

"Cragen does. He's afraid you'll hurt yourself." Toby didn't know what drove Huang and wasn't going to guess.

Stabler stopped pacing, but he might start throwing things. "I have to see my shrink."

Toby was glad to hear it. Impulsively, he moved close and touched Stabler gently on the arm. "I'm sorry."

Stabler looked like a deer in the headlights for one quick second before anger boiled out of him. Toby caught a glimpse of the fist coming for his head. He managed to turn enough to take some of the force out of it, but it still drove him back.

"You can't hop from Tom's bed back to mine!" Stabler raged.

Toby reeled from the blow. He fell back on his ass and got away from him. Putting his back to a wall seemed a safe bet, and he scrabbled to his feet. His face felt like someone had taken a hammer to it. Oz reared its ugly head, and he had a choice. Cringe like a prag or grab a weapon and kill this fucker.

"Wait!" Stabler lifted his hands. "Toby, I-"

Toby took two quick steps and his hand came in contact with a fork lying on the counter. He grinned. "Don't back away now. Things are just getting started!"

Stabler moved back. "Toby, I'm sorry."

Toby heard the words, but they didn't make much sense over the pounding of his face. He stepped closer to him. "Don't pussy out on me, Elliot."

********

Stabler put his back to his bedroom door and waited for the rush. He'd pushed Beecher's Oz button and there was no going back. Unless. Stabler dropped to his knees. "Okay. Go ahead and shank me."

Beecher stared. He took another step. "You're more dangerous down there than on your feet! Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Stabler raised his hands. "Toby. Stop! Think. Please."

Beecher did take a deep breath. He suddenly threw the fork at the sink. "I'm not your prag!"

"You're my friend." Stabler was amazed at how quickly the anger had left him when faced with Beecher's rage.

"Friend? Lover? We're something. Fuck if I know what!" Beecher stayed back. "I keep thinking you'll explain it to me, but you don't bother, not that I give a fuck."

Stabler felt like puking. He wasn't his father. He wasn't that kind of man, but Kathy had been smart to leave him. Somehow she'd known that the anger would eventually lead to his loss of control. Beecher had taken the blow instead of her. Stabler cautiously got to his feet. "It isn't easy for me to talk about anything, much less you."

"Just great."

A knock on the door interrupted them both. Beecher stepped over and opened it. "What do you want, Tom?"

Tom stepped inside. "I want to talk to Stabler." He tried to touch Beecher but was shoved away. "He did that to you?"

Beecher crossed his arms. "Tom, I explained it to you. We're friends. I'm not interested in having sex with you."

"Toby, please." Tom pointed at Stabler. "He's a top that likes to hit people. Come live with me!"

Stabler had had enough of this pathetic domestic scene. "Tom, he said he doesn't want you. I suggest you get out."

"Or what? You'll hit me too?"

"No, but I might arrest you for sexual harassment." Stabler moved to him. "No means no!"

"Brute." Tom yanked open the door. "Toby, he'll hurt you!"

"I like it. Get out." Beecher turned away. "Don't call or come by."

"Fine!" Tom stormed out, and Stabler shut the door behind him. Stabler went to the window and made sure Tom left the building.

"That was fun; almost like that time I was kissing Shemin and Said decided I was a slut." Beecher was talking nonsense.

Stabler got him the ice pack. "Here. You can press charges if you want. I won't fight it."

"Benson would kill me." Beecher put the ice to his face and sat down on the couch.

"I honestly thought you two were-" Stabler stopped talking before he got in over his head. It was his fault for thinking about it in the first place. He sat down next to Beecher. "You like it?"

"No, but it does get the blood flowing." Beecher shrugged. "And it is fairly typical of the relationships I find."

Stabler put his hands on his head. The guilt couldn't get any heavier. "Please press charges."

"No." Beecher kept the ice on his face. "All you had to do was ask! You honestly thought I'd jump out of your bed and run to fuck Tom! I swear, you're starting to make Chris Keller look normal."

A huge blast of rage blew away the guilt. "Damn you, Toby!" Stabler got to his feet, away from Beecher, and punched the wall. The plaster broke. Had his father given him all this anger? He kicked a chair out of the way, and Beecher was there.

"I'm sorry," Beecher said, and he grabbed him by the wrists. The urge to throw Beecher through the wall wasn't easy to beat down. Stabler took a deep breath and didn't fight the hands on him. Beecher eased closer, and they were too close and not close enough.

"Don't compare me to him!"

Beecher nodded slowly. "I don't, usually. His anger was scary too. Please. Take a deep breath. I didn't do anything with Tom. Frankly, he doesn't measure up."

Stabler eased out his deep breath. "Kathy quit on me. I thought-" He bit it off. It would make him sound weak and stupid. "Forget it."

"Elliot, I was giving you some room to figure things out. That's all. If I'd have known that you'd come up with all the wrong answers, I'd have dragged you down and shoved my tongue in your mouth!"

Stabler pulled his wrists away. Too many emotions, which he wasn't good at dealing with, made his head ache. "Don't do that. I need a minute."

"My original idea." Beecher gave him a hug. "Just breathe until the fog clears."

Stabler clasped him, and they both heard a pounding knock on the door.

********

"NYPD! Open up!"

"Shit." Toby looked up. "Let me handle this. You nod and look tough."

"Wait."

"No!" Toby went to open the door. "Can I help you?"

"We had a report of a disturbance," the officer said. "I can see we found the right place."

Toby shrugged and tried to look embarrassed. "Well, yeah. I had an argument with my boyfriend, but he left when my roommate came home."

"Who's your roommate?" They didn't look like they were buying it.

"I am." Stabler flashed his badge. "Detective Stabler."

Both men instantly flashed to respect and got the smirks off their faces. "What's the situation here?"

Stabler shrugged. "When I got here, Beecher and his friend were arguing. The friend left."

Toby dredged up a blush. "I'm sorry. We broke up, and he took it poorly."

"And he hit you?"

"No. I wrecked my bike in the park. It was an accident." Toby didn't even try to sound like he wasn't lying.

The officers exchanged a look and sighed. "You know the rules, Detective."

Stabler put his hands on his hips. "Yeah. Sorry, Beech. Don't give them any trouble."

Toby suddenly had a bad feeling about this. "Wait! It's over!"

The larger officer pushed him against the wall and cuffed him. "You'll be out by morning. We don't take any chances with these disputes anymore."

Toby sighed and slumped. Resisting would be the height of stupidity. "Okay."

"I'll come get you in the morning," Stabler said. He didn't look angry any longer, just tired. "Fellas, don't rough him up."

"We'd never."

Toby hoped not. His face was going to look bad enough. Hanging out with Stabler was hard on it. He didn't put up a fuss when they stuffed him in the car, and the ride to the precinct was a short one. They didn't book him, not really. He gave them his information, handed over his wallet, phone, and keys, and they put him in a holding cell with ten other idiots that also looked unhappy. Shit. Toby leaned against the wall and laughed softly. He'd gotten in a fight with his boyfriend and been thrown in the hole. Same old, same old. He gently rubbed his eye. It was going to swell shut again, damn it.

"Your wife hit you?"

"Yep. She's a real bitch." Toby smiled tightly. He could only hope that in the morning, Stabler had screwed his head on straight or there would be more black eyes.

********

Stabler slumped down on the sofa and rubbed his face. He felt like a complete asswipe. He'd let Beecher take the rap. He'd stood there and shrugged. Of course, the truth would've gotten him fired, but it would have been the truth. He sighed and turned on the TV. If Angus came by, Stabler was dead, and he didn't even want to think about Benson. She was protective of Beecher.

"Damn it. I'm nothing but a piece of shit." Stabler shut his eyes and tried to understand it all. None of it made sense. His friend was dead, his job was in jeopardy, his wife was gone, and Beecher was sitting in jail for him. The knock at the door made him groan. "Come in!"

Maria sidled in the door. "Is Señor Toby coming back?"

"He'll be home by morning. I promise." Stabler fought the urge to apologize to her. She cared for Beecher also, and she'd seen the police brutalize him. "It was no big deal."

Her eyes spotted the hole in the wall. "He is okay?"

"Yes. I did that. Sorry. I'll pay for it." Stabler got to his feet. The scared look on her face made the guilt even heavier. "Everything okay around here?"

She seemed surprised that he'd ask. "There is always troubles. The building is not young anymore."

Stabler nodded. He thought it was pretty nice though. "Can I help?"

She paused. "Why?"

The honest question touched him. She didn't trust him. He was a cop. "I have a week off. I could help."

Maria suddenly made up her mind and gave him a short nod. "I would be grateful. Señor Toby doesn't know how to fix anything. Do you?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Stabler turned off the TV. Doing some good around here might fight off some of the guilt from Beecher spending the night in jail. "I'll start with the wall."

"Good." She smiled. "Little Maria likes you."

Stabler was glad to hear that someone did.

********

Toby was half-asleep but he could have sworn that someone said his name. He opened his good eye and groaned. "Tell me I'm hallucinating."

"Officer, let him out. Don't worry. I'll bring him back." Cragen looked like he could drown puppies and laugh about it.

Toby got up off the floor and shuffled out the door. "Cuffs?"

"I can handle you." Cragen put a gentle hand on Toby's shoulder and steered him to his office. When the door shut, he yelled, "What the hell is going on?"

Toby sat down hard in the chair by the desk. "Not much."

Cragen snorted. "Who hit you? Never mind. It was Elliot. Damn it!"

Toby spread his hands. "Captain. I'm a victim of this new domestic disturbance policy. I was innocently having an argument with my ex-boyfriend, not Stabler, by the way, when the police hauled me off to cool down."

"You expect me to believe that!" Cragen rolled his eyes. "I sent Stabler home furious, you opened your smart mouth, and he popped you one. The police show up, and you lie to cover his ass because you never tell the truth to cops!"

Toby let himself relax and smile. This little farce was becoming funny. "I broke up with Tom. Tom is of the opinion that Stabler is banging me, which is about the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. Tom yelled. I yelled. Stabler sent Tom packing, gently. I'd have kicked Tom's ass. My black eye is a little accident from another occasion. Stabler wasn't around."

"You're a lawyer, and you're lying. Nicely done, though."

"I have the feeling that no amount of truth is going to make you happy tonight." Toby crossed his arms. He wasn't saying anymore. "So tell me why Stabler came home furious."

"That's police business." Cragen sighed. "How many times does Stabler have to hit you before you report it? I've seen your file. Are you living up to your battered wives syndrome?"  
The question boiled its way through Toby's brain, but he shoved the anger away. It wasn't productive. "Captain, you remember that case I worked with the young man who claimed to be raped and then snorted drugs in the room?"

"Sure." Cragen furrowed his brow.

Toby nodded. "The next day, Stabler came over for football and pizza. He had a few beers, so I took his car keys. Well, to make a long story short, he mouthed off and I put him down hard with this." He held up his fist. "I quickly found myself spread-eagle on the wall, waiting to be arrested, but Stabler let me off."

"What's the point of this?"

"I'm not afraid to hit him!" Toby got up and leaned menacingly across the desk. "I don't take shit off anyone, not even your Detective Stabler. This eye was an accident. Call in Stabler, he doesn't have a mark on him, and trust me, if he tries to smack me around, he will."

Cragen stared into Toby's eyes. "Suddenly, I believe you."

"Good." Toby sat back down. "I am worried about him. This case is personal."

"They went to high school together. They even dated. I can't give the defense a chance to discredit the evidence or claim bias." Cragen got up. "Let's get some coffee. I should have gone home last night."

"Probably." Toby followed him upstairs and they sat down together at the table. "Tossing him out on his ear just pisses him off, and do you have to drag Huang into every meeting? Stabler feels like he's being told he's crazy."

"He isn't?"

"Not all that much. This job would drive anyone nuts." Toby sipped his coffee. He was wide-awake now. "He doesn't like feeling helpless."

"You know him pretty well." Cragen drank some coffee and leaned back in his chair. "What would you suggest?"

Toby shrugged. He had to be careful not to show how much he loved the big, stupid detective. "Couldn't you let him canvass or something? He doesn't always have to be lead dog."

Cragen shook his head. "Too risky. He's better off going home."

"Not his style. He'll come back angrier, not less." Toby ran his hand through his hair. It was getting long again. "Just attending the funeral isn't his style. He wants to do something."

"He can't always help. He needs to get that through his thick skull!"

Toby heard the truth. "Have you mentioned it to him in a way that doesn't come off sounding like you think he's a shitty cop?"

"Toby, that's over the line."

"Maybe, but you hit at him, and he hits back." Toby shrugged and drank the rest of his coffee. "And don't let Huang stand around and look sympathetic, that makes Stabler mad as hell!"

Cragen shut his eyes for a minute. "Okay. I'll take it under advisement. Is he coming to get you?"

"I hope so." Toby laughed softly. "He was furious with Tom."

"That part was true?" Cragen laughed now. "Damn. Tom should be thanking me for taking Stabler's gun."

Toby stood up. "I'll head back to my lovely cell."

"Make up an excuse and come to the squad room with Stabler in the morning. I'll talk to him." Cragen got to his feet and took Toby out the door. "And I know Stabler hit you."

Toby quit trying. He went along and sank back down to sit on the wall. The clanging of the cell door made him wince. Stabler owed him for this, and a weekend with his kids would do nicely.

********

Stabler tossed his clothes and took a shower. It was midnight, and he was tired and dirty. Maria was a slave driver. She would put some of his drill sergeants to shame. Drying off, he found some sweats and crashed on the sofa. Beecher was sleeping on a concrete floor tonight. Damn. Stabler put his arm over his eyes. Guilt and anger still lingered, but nothing like working with the furnace to make him think rationally. He couldn't help with the case if it meant the perp would walk, and this thing with Beecher wasn't going to go away if he ignored it. It sure as hell wasn't. He'd come hair-trigger close to pushing Tom out the window, and the satisfaction that Beecher hadn't touched Tom was too strong to deny.

"Damn it. I give." Stabler sighed softly. He wasn't gay. This was about Beecher, and that was it. Stabler wanted him. Wanted him. It was time to quit lying to himself.

********

Toby yawned and stumbled out the cell door with all the other unlucky fuckers who'd spent the night in jail for fighting with their wives or boyfriends. He brushed his hair with his fingers and rubbed his ass. Sleeping on concrete was familiar, but it was still uncomfortable.

"Glad you're in one piece." Stabler, jeans and black sweatshirt, met him on the other side of the steel door. Toby took back his keys, phone, and wallet.

"Me too." Toby stretched his back. "I gotta eat, but first, Cragen wants to see me."

Stabler narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"I think he wants to yell at me. I sorta work for him." Toby shrugged and lied, "I'm turned around. How do I get there from here?"

Stabler sighed. "Come on. I'll check my messages."

Toby followed after him, and he was awake by the time he got to the squad room. He went to the captain's office. Cragen looked up at him. Toby smiled. "Yell at me, and he's at his desk."

Cragen stood and came around the desk. "You're making us all look bad!"

"Yeah. I know." Toby grinned.

"I'd give you a rip, if you took the money!"

"That is a problem. How about you force me to file?" Toby had noticed the huge mess, and it bugged him on some level.

"Good idea! Come in at three. You can work until midnight." Cragen was enjoying this too much. "Go home and shower."

Toby stuck his hands in his pockets and slouched out the door. "I'll be here, but only because I'm not particularly fond of my roommate!"

Stabler looked up. Toby slumped into a chair. Cragen moved in on Stabler next.

"My office!"

"Thanks for pissing him off," Stabler whispered as he walked past.

"No problem." Toby put his head down on the desk. He needed food and a nap, in that order. His eyes fluttered shut, and he wished for something to eat.

"Toby, you look like shit, and you smell that way too."

"Thanks, Munch." Toby didn't open his eyes. "Any donuts around?"

"No."

"What kind of cop shop is this?" Toby groaned. "I'm starved."

"Jail will do that to you."

Toby rolled his head in the direction of Benson. "How'd you know?"

"The smell." Benson wrinkled her nose. "Tell me you're going away."

"Waiting for Stabler." Toby yawned and shook all over. "Food?"

Benson sighed. "Come on. The hot dog stand is always open."

"I think I'm in love with you." Toby got up and followed her. "I'm broke, just so you know."

"Figures." Benson laughed, dug out some cash, and bought Toby two hot dogs, which he ate before asking for a soda. She didn't argue about it. "You need to learn to duck when Stabler swings at you."

"I did. Think how bad it would be if I hadn't." Toby sat on a stone fence and drank the soda. He wasn't going to lie to her.

"He's going to mad when he hears we're at a dead end."

"I may have to sleep in the lobby tonight." Toby tossed the can in the trash. "You got nothing?"

"Not much. Not enough. We'll keep looking."

"I have to work tonight. I could sneak a peek. Fresh eyes." Toby knew she'd tell him no if she didn't think it was a good idea.

"Fresh eye." Benson shrugged. "I have to go work it."

"I'll wait here." Toby waved goodbye. He'd look at the case. It couldn't hurt. Wondering what Stabler had been up to last night was fruitless, but he hadn't looked angry. It was something. Toby's cell phone chimed, and he opened it. "What?"

"Toby, where are you?"

"Oh shit." Toby cringed. "Hi, Angus. I forgot."

"You're in jail, aren't you?"

Toby heard the tease and laughed at the accuracy of it. "Well, I was, and I have to work at the precinct today from three to midnight."

"I need your help on this!"

"Slide it under the door. I'll call you. Promise." Toby tried not to yawn.

"Wait? You were in jail?"

Toby laughed again and shut the phone. He stuffed it away. "He can kill me later."

"Who?" Stabler asked.

"Angus. I forgot I was meeting him this morning to discuss a case." Toby slid off the wall. "Can I ride in your car?"

"We'll leave the windows down." Stabler headed for his car. "I owe you one."

"I'll collect later." Toby was tired enough that he didn't mind riding with Stabler. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes. A hand, squeezing his knee, woke him up. "I'm here."

"Get out then." Stabler pushed him towards the door. Toby got out, stretched again, and went in behind Stabler. They got the mail and kept moving. Stabler opened the door to the apartment. "How about a shower?"

"Try to stop me." Toby scooped up the file, tossed it and his mail on the counter, and shucked off his clothes on the way there. By the time he hit the bathroom door, he was naked. The water felt great, but he switched it to cold at the end of it. "Damn!" He jumped out, shivering.

"You okay?"

Toby grabbed a towel. "Cold!" He didn't bother asking why Stabler was close by. He dried off, hung up the towel, and shivered again.

"No hot water?"

"I don't mind it cold." Toby noticed the wall was patched, if not painted, and went to find some clothes. Oh, fuck it. He'd sleep first. He stretched out on the futon and pulled the blanket over him.

"I thought you were hungry?"

"Benson bought me a hot dog, which is not breakfast food. Get me up at noon, okay?" Toby was already half-asleep.

"Will do."

Toby faded away, but he would have sworn that a hand brushed his wet hair back.

********

Stabler watched him sleep before going to put on a ratty shirt so he could help out Maria again. This building needed a new furnace and a new security system. He'd tell Beecher later, after he slept a few hours. Cragen had only talked about the case, not the black eye, and Stabler knew that Beecher had saved him from a rip, or worse.

There was no way to thank him, other than trying not to hit him again. Stabler stopped, flipped through the mail, ignored the folder, it was lawyer stuff, and went back to stare at Beecher again. Sleeping. Stabler smoothed the wet, blond hair back, making sure not to nudge the black eye. Beecher hadn't quit on him and hadn't gone to bed with Tom. It was something … he searched for a word. It was important. Stabler tucked the blanket closer and went to putter with Maria.

********

_Toby slid his hand down to the handle and pulled. It didn't budge. He could see Chris on the other side of the glass, but the door was locked._

_"You going inside, Beecher?"_

_"Do I have to?" Toby asked Lopresti._

_"Not yet, but you're getting there."_

********

Toby hit the floor hard. "No!"

Stabler stared down at him. "It's about noon."

Toby noticed the paintbrush and dirty shirt. "Are you the new handyman?"

"Did yours quit?" Stabler just stared down at him.

"Yeah. Finding a new one has been impossible." It finally dawned on Toby that he was naked, discussing whether Stabler was handy, and lying on the floor. "Why don't you get out?"

Stabler reached with a hand, and Toby let him pull. Toby scratched his stomach and opened his closet door. "Clothes."

"I can tell it's going to be one of those days." Stabler walked out. Toby didn't waste time wondering what that meant. He dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. It was time to do the laundry. He looked too much like his brother. His brother. Shit. He went straight out to the counter and picked up the file. Grabbing a bottled water, he sat down in the chair near the window and started reading.

"Hey, Angus," Stabler cracked.

"Still dating my brother?" Toby didn't look up. He thought it was funny though.

"Not yet. You mind?"

Toby glanced up to see Stabler's serious face. "Yes." That was the answer that Angus would give. "But Tobias never listens to me. Lucky you."

Stabler gave him a funny look. "I'm through here. Don't touch the wall."

"Nice job." Toby went back to reading. He read the file once and then started over. Stabler left the apartment with paint in one hand and his brush in the other. Toby grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing out his recommendations. At some point, Stabler put a burger next to him, and Toby ate it after grunting his thanks.

"Am I taking you to work?"

"I'll catch a cab." Toby glanced at the clock. He had another hour. "I have to buy another computer." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Either that or invest in a law library."

Stabler didn't answer. He'd left again. Toby picked up his pen and continued. When he finished, he wrote the number of hours at the bottom of the third page and put everything away.

"What do you bill at?"

"Angus bills me out at the consultant rate, three hundred an hour." Toby got a Coke and drank it fast. He had to get away from this lawyer shit. "I gotta go."

"Do you get any of that?"

"Family firm." Toby made sure he had his cell phone. "Damn. I need to hit the bank. Got a fifty?"

"Me?" Stabler looked confused. "You mean me?"

Toby sighed. "Drive me. Pick me up at midnight."

"I can do that." Stabler laughed. "A fifty!"

Toby grabbed his coat. "Let's go. I don't like being late."

"I'd have never guessed." Stabler got his keys. Toby took the file. He'd have it sent by messenger over to the firm. Stabler smiled. "Should I turn on the siren?"

"Please. God. Don't." Toby put his hand over his eyes. "Please."

Stabler chuckled and drove like a normal person. Toby got out quickly and waved. He had a few things to say to his roommate, but it could wait until later.

********

Occasionally, Stabler had a feeling that he didn't know Beecher at all, and today, watching him go from stinky skel to a three hundred dollar an hour consultant, was a good example of that. The skel, the guy from Oz, was pretty easy to understand. It was the lawyer that was scary. Stabler was a cop, just a cop, nothing else. Well, he was a Marine, but that was part of being on the force. Beecher might wake up one thing and go to bed another.

"Mister Policeman?"

"Maria, please call me Elliot." Stabler put the roller down carefully. "Por favor."

"Well, okay." Maria smiled. "The hallway looks good. Did you talk to Señor Toby about the furnace?"

"I will. I promise." Stabler stood and stretched his back. "What's next after this?"

"Dinner. You will come?"

"I wouldn't miss it." Stabler smiled. "I'll paint faster."

Maria laughed and went back upstairs. Stabler went back to painting. When he was about finished, he realized that he wasn't angry any longer. It was a relief. Tomorrow, he had to see his shrink. It was always tough, but this time it would be even harder.

********

Toby stayed busy with filing and organizing a few things for Cragen. Cops weren't the best at keeping records straight. Munch thought it was pretty funny, but since it was, it was okay. Toby's cell phone chimed, and he answered, "Yes?"

"Got it. Thanks."

"Not a problem." Toby shut the file cabinet. "I'm working with Stabler to let me come spend a weekend."

"Really?" Angus sounded pleased. "That would be great, and Mother would get off my ass."

"I'll make it happen." Toby found a doorway to lean against. "Anything else?"

"Were you really in jail last night?"

"All night. I'll let you laugh about it someday when I can see out of both eyes." Toby paused. "I gotta go." He shut the phone over Angus's protestations. That was always fun. They were brothers after all, and that meant he could pick on him.

"Hey, Toby. Some help over here!"

Toby sighed. He'd fixed two computers already. He was a lawyer, not a computer technician.

********

Stabler checked his watch and started towards the car. It was time to get Beecher, and he could check his messages. He strolled in the squad room. It was mostly dark, and Beecher was working at Fin's computer.

"Fin will kill you if he catches you there."

"I'm cleaning up his hard drive. He knows." Beecher leaned back and stretched. "You smell interesting."

"Enchiladas and paint."

"And other stuff." Beecher made the mouse jump all over the screen. "Maria's grandmother is a great cook."

"She is. I'm going to eat there as often as I can manage an invitation." Stabler checked his desk. His files were gone, and there were three phone messages. "Who touched my desk?"

"I did. I filed that stuff for you and took your messages." Beecher got up from Fin's desk and strolled over. "Captain told me to."

"That's a lie." Stabler didn't care, not much. "Right?"

"He told me straighten up the files." Beecher shrugged. "You guys are hopeless."

"We're not that bad!" Stabler heard the captain come out of his office. "I'm just picking up Beecher."

Cragen nodded. "Toby, I want you to pull an eight once a week."

"Captain, we can't afford him. Trust me." Stabler smiled. Beecher laughed softly.

"I'll do it for half of what you usually pay me, which isn't much, on one condition," Beecher said.

"Name it." Cragen put his hands on his hips.

Stabler wasn't sure about Beecher working here that often, and half-pay? What the hell was going on?

"From now on, if there's a case that you feel requires counseling, Stabler gets to see his own shrink, not Huang," Beecher said.

Stabler nearly groaned and threw the messages. Beecher was making him look like a pansy.

"Huang's on budget." Cragen shook his head.

"You can pay for it with all the money you'll be saving on me." Beecher went back to Fin's computer. "It's a reasonable offer."

Stabler stood up and dropped the messages. He felt cheap. "Captain, this isn't necessary."

Cragen looked from one to the other. "Deal, but I want nine hours a week, last one is free."

"Done." Beecher nodded. "Tonight, of course, was my rip."

"Damn straight." Cragen headed for his office.

Stabler sat back down. He rubbed his face. "That was stupid, Beech, and it makes me look bad."

"Live with it." Beecher shut down Fin's computer. "I had some time to think about it. You've watch Huang interview perps for years. When he talks to you, you instantly react in a way that's not healthy. You aren't a skel, and you won't be treated like one."

Stabler didn't want to hear that shit, but he thought about it while he scanned his messages again. He had to call Kathy. "What makes you so sure?"

"I'm hungry again. Can I go home?" Beecher changed the subject and leaned against Stabler's desk. "Before Cragen finds fifty more things for me to do."

Stabler put his messages in his coat pocket and stood up. "Yep. We'll swing by that Chinese place."

"I'm broke." Beecher shrugged. "Home is fine. I can have a sandwich."

"Okay." Stabler didn't argue. Friday was payday, and until then, he didn't have much money either.

********

Toby was glad, as usual, to get out of the car alive and move onto land. It was very late, and there was a group of toughs hanging out by the building. Stabler gave them a look and they beat it. He was good for that. "Toby, you need a new security system."

"Why?"

"Four good reasons just took off down the street." Stabler unlocked the outer door. "This lock is a joke, and you need an intercom system."

"Take care of it for me and I'll pay whichever buddy you pass the contract to in advance." Toby wasn't going to argue about it. They'd never had a serious break-in during his time here, but it could happen. He rubbed his back. It ached from sleeping on concrete. "Damn. I'm turning into a pussy. One night and I'm sore. It used to take a week."

Stabler unlocked their apartment door. "Here kitty, kitty."

"Not funny." Toby raided the fridge first. He sat down to eat and ignore Stabler.

"I also fixed the furnace today. You need a new one."

"I thought you fixed it," Toby mumbled around his ham and cheese. He'd had a long day, and he didn't want to talk, but for once, Stabler was chatty. Shit.

"It'll hold for a month or two, but winter is coming. Prices go up then." Stabler wasn't shutting up, and he was too close.

Toby sighed and finished his food, such as it was, first. "More buddies?"

"I know someone." Stabler grinned. He knew everyone.

"Make the call." Toby shook his head and did some quick numbers in his head. "No profit this month. Oh well. I'll put off that cruise."

Stabler came over and sat down. "Profit?"

"I do have a profit margin. I have to eat." Toby resented the question. He wasn't gouging people here, but he did have to support himself. "Well, feed you at least."

"How much did your handyman charge?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll send me a bill, and thanks to you, I'm broke." Toby smirked and got up. "I'm heading for bed. We can talk about this tomorrow."

Stabler reached out and took him by the wrist. It was a shock. Toby nearly fought back as his roommate reeled him in like a fish. Stabler sighed softly. "Sleep with me."

"My face would rather not." Toby was serious. He didn't want to spend another night in jail.

Stabler leaned and kissed him. Kissed him. Kiss. Toby woke up in another time zone, gasping for breath. Stabler whispered, "What do your lips say?"

"They're up for it." Toby didn't pretend that he didn't want it. "My eye is still pissed though."

"I'll make it up to your eye." Stabler turned Toby's wrist loose. "My bed. Okay?"

Toby nodded. He edged away and went to take his clothes off. "How about you shower first?"

Stabler glowered. "Fine. Picky ass lawyer."

"Today. Yes." Toby managed to find his closet without falling over from shock. It was probably paint fumes making Stabler crazy, but that was no reason not to take advantage of the situation. Toby yawned on his way to the bed and got comfortable. He'd shut his eyes for a minute and then give Stabler a good licking.

*********

Stabler got all the paint off and washed his hair. If he were nervous, no one would blame him. He'd never intentionally fallen into bed with a man. He stuck his face under the water. Those other times with Beecher didn't count. It hadn't been his idea.

"Stop lying to yourself," he muttered. It didn't help. He shut off the water and dried quickly, not that he was in a hurry. His skin goose-bumped as he walked to his room, and he wasn't sure it was the cold. Beecher had stretched out under the covers and looked sound asleep. Stabler got under the comforter fast. Shriveled was a good way to describe him. Beecher mumbled something and scooted over to him.

"Damn!"

"Sorry." Stabler pulled Beecher over him like a blanket. "It's chilly tonight."

Beecher curled down and over him. Their bodies came together, and Stabler gingerly put his hands on Beecher's back. Beecher grumbled, "Fucking cold."

"Oh, shut up." Stabler rolled them to the side and relaxed. It was warmer now. Beecher wasn't doing much besides lying there. Stabler didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved. He forced his hands to stay still.

Beecher sighed. "How about tomorrow?"

Stabler laughed. "That did nothing for my ego."

"This ego?" Beecher found a good grip on Stabler's cock.

"Yeah. That." Stabler wasn't hard yet, but he was getting there. "If you're too tired, it can wait."

Beecher smiled. "That isn't something I've heard a lot of. You're a nice guy, Elliot."

Stabler didn't want to be nice. He wanted to shove and take. It swept over him like a tornado, and he clenched his hands into Beecher's strong back. "Can you see out of that eye yet?"

"Not all that much." Beecher stroked his hands down Stabler's body. "I can feel it inside you."

"What?" Stabler didn't know what he was feeling. How could Beecher?

Beecher nuzzled Stabler's neck. "You keep your passion locked away."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, not ever." Stabler found some courage and kissed him. Beecher forced the kiss deeper and harder, until Stabler gasped for breath.

"Didn't you ever just want to fuck someone to death?"

"Well, yeah," Stabler said truthfully, "but it's wrong."

Beecher shook his head. "Not if that person wants it back."

"I know all about rough, consensual sex." Stabler pushed him away, but not much. "I don't think it's for me."

"Really? Maybe you don't love enough to lose control." Beecher sighed, relaxed, and rested his head on Stabler's chest. "Wake me up when you decide what you want."

Stabler brushed his hand through Beecher's blond hair. It needed cut again. Beecher's hard cock poked him on the thigh, but Beecher wasn't pushing. For a guy who talked about rough sex, he was remarkably passive. Stabler squeezed Beecher's ass. "I lost control yesterday, and you spent the night in jail."

"If you'd blow off steam doing healthy activities like fucking my brains out, you wouldn't hit me. Well, not quite so much, maybe." Beecher gently rolled Stabler's balls, and Stabler thought he might protest, but then it started to feel good, in a slightly painful way.

"Can't I lift weights instead?" Stabler caught him in another kiss. Unleashing his passion wasn't a good idea.

Beecher thrust at him and wrenched his mouth away. "Maybe we should discuss what we're actually going to do."

"I'm in bed with a damn lawyer." Stabler sprawled flat. That had taken the fun out of this, and that made him realize that he was having fun, which was a surprise.

Beecher laughed and pulled the covers over them both. "You might want to think about it. Not soon, of course."

Stabler rubbed his eyes. He didn't want to think. "Go to sleep."

"Not yet." Beecher used that sharp tongue of his to lick down him. Stabler nearly protested, but he did want it. He gasped softly and curled his hands into Beecher's shoulders. Beecher knew how to drive a man insane. Stabler hadn't watched the first time, but now he pushed the covers away and took a good look. It was disorientating, as if his world had tipped over.

"Damn," Stabler whispered. He touched Beecher's head gently and rocked with it. Needing this was the hardest part. Beecher was right. They should talk, but it could wait. Beecher swallowed and reached up to slide his hand over Stabler's nipples. Stabler felt his back arch, and he orgasmed so hard that his brain shut down.

"Feel good?" Beecher slid up him and kissed him deeply. Stabler nearly recoiled at the taste of himself, but it wasn't bad, just different. He groaned and didn't try to control anything, for the first time in forever. Beecher moved against him, groaning softly. "Oh, fuck."

Stabler felt it hit his stomach. Beecher shuddered and panted. Stabler pulled him close and kissed him. Toby got the covers again, and they lay together. Stabler shut his eyes and refused to think. He slept.

********

Toby would've cleaned up the mess, but Stabler was asleep. His wife must have loved that part. Toby smiled and got comfortable. He wasn't as sticky as he could be. Stabler still struggled with this, which wasn't surprising given the circumstances. For him, it was all about control, and turning it loose intentionally wouldn't be easy. He had been cited several times at work for losing it with a suspect, but those times had been explosions of anger. This was different. He was afraid to be passionate because he thought it would lead to anger, and yet, it seethed inside him.

"You're one crazy motherfucker," Toby whispered. Why he was so incredibly attracted to men that were like volcanoes wasn't a topic he wanted to explore tonight. He wiggled to get comfortable and let it drift away.

The smell of coffee woke him up. He rolled to his stomach, pulled the pillow over his head, and refused to leave the bed. It was the smell of bacon that made it impossible to keep that promise. He fumbled out of bed, remembered he was naked, and went to find some sweats and a T-shirt. He shivered a little until he was dressed. Maybe they did need a new furnace. He went towards the little kitchen.

"Am I dreaming?"

Stabler wrapped a long arm around him and squeezed. "Yes."

"Good." Toby leaned into it for a minute. "This is weird."

"I agree." Stabler kissed him on the forehead. "I can cook breakfast, but nothing else."

Toby looked up at him. "If you're going to get all smoochy, I'm going to have to puke."

Stabler shoved him away. "Better?"

"Yes." Toby sat on a barstool and rubbed his face. It still hurt. "Okay. Why are you being nice?"

"Nothing better to do." Stabler did seem to know what he was doing with that bacon. Toby stopped trying to think. He had to wake up. Food would help. Stabler's cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his jeans. "Stabler."

Toby got up and poured himself some coffee. He also put some bread in the toaster.

"Okay. Sounds good." Stabler shut the phone. He didn't say what it was about, but he didn't leave, so it probably wasn't work. Toby sat back down. Cautiously, he reached out and rubbed Stabler's jeans right on the ass. Stabler glared. "Not a good idea."

"Guy can ask." Toby went to stare out the window. He wanted to go running today, and he had to do laundry. "What are you doing today?"

"This and that." Stabler rattled some plates. "You have to go to the bank, right?"

"Oh yeah." Toby would run by the ATM before he went to the park. "Can you take me shopping later?"

Stabler fixed him with a hard look. "We're not girlfriends."

Toby laughed. He'd forgotten that Stabler had too much pride. "Forget it. I'll take a cab. I'm going to buy a computer. Starbucks is getting old."

"That's different. I'll take you to an electronics store. You have to explain these things." Stabler started cracking eggs. Toby turned back to the view. He licked his lips and remembered last night. It had been good, but the feel of Stabler's hands on his ass had been better than good. They had to talk. Toby needed to know if they were sticking with blowjobs or if he needed to pick up a pack of condoms. The fact that he was out was embarrassing, but Stabler wouldn't laugh.

"Come eat."

Toby didn't argue. He was hungry. "Thanks. You're a great roommate. You can paint and cook bacon. I'm definitely keeping you."

Stabler tapped the papers on the fridge. "That's good to know." He put the skillet on the counter and pulled the jam out of the fridge. "Anything else?"

Toby shook his head. He was grateful for what he had. Breakfast was good, and he hoped he got it again. When he was down to coffee, he screwed up his courage and said, "Did you think about what you wanted?"

Stabler gave him a funny look. "In regards to what?"

"My body." Toby grinned. That was fun. Stabler's eyes widened nicely.

"No. I didn't."

Toby believed that. "Well, if we're sticking with blowjobs, I won't buy any condoms, but it is definitely your turn."

Stabler leaned his face into his hands and rubbed. "I can't talk about this."

Toby suddenly felt guilty. "Sorry. I'm not trying to push you."

"I know, and given my line of work, you'd think I'd be able to laugh about it." Stabler picked up his fork and finished his eggs. "I'm not laughing."

"I'd think you'd gone crazy if you were. Forget it." Toby drank the rest of his coffee. "I'm going running. Want to come?"

"Maria wants me to paint." Stabler shrugged. "I'd rather paint."

"I'd rather run." Toby got up and started cleaning the small kitchen. "Are you keeping track of your hours?"

"No. I'm doing it from guilt. It's working for me." Stabler handed him a plate. "I have to see the shrink after lunch."

"Okay. Swing by and get me after that." Toby worked fast, swiped the countertop, and accidentally dropped his hand in Stabler's lap. "Thanks."

Stabler looked down at the hand squeezing him. "I'll think about it."

Toby took that as encouragement. "My body thanks you." He licked his lower lip and dared Stabler to kiss him. Stabler took him up on it. Toby wanted to drop to his knees and start the day where he'd finished the night, but he didn't want to look needy. "Take your time."

Stabler went back to his coffee. "Horny lawyer."

Toby didn't answer that. He went to put on his running clothes. It would be too easy to follow Stabler around in a daze and pamper him. Toby smiled. He couldn't complain. Not too long ago, he'd have sworn that he'd never get a kiss.

*********

Stabler spent the morning painting the second floor hallway. If he were off work long enough, he'd finish the building. Maria seemed to have a never-ending supply of light blue paint. He suspected there had been a paint sale somewhere.

"You saved me a flight of stairs," Benson said from behind him.

Stabler put the roller down and stretched his back. "Olivia. What's up?"

"Working, but I thought I'd stop and see if you wanted to grab lunch."

Stabler wasn't sure. "Don't get yourself jammed up."

Benson shook her head. "Lunch and talk, no big deal."

"Okay." Stabler pointed at the wall. "Let me finish this, and we'll go."

Benson nodded. Stabler worked steadily so he didn't miss any spot. When he was finished, he recapped the paint. He'd leave everything here. He wasn't finished, not if he knew Maria.

"Let me run upstairs and change shirts."

Benson smiled. "I'll walk with you. Is Toby making you paint to make up for that black eye?"

"Nobody makes me do anything," Stabler growled. He took off his shirt and headed for the bathroom to wash up. She was talking to Beecher when Stabler came out.

"Sorry, Olivia. I didn't see anything," Beecher said and shrugged.

Stabler didn't ask what they were talking about, but he knew.

"Ready?"

Stabler nodded. "Beecher, are you coming?" He didn't mean to sound gruff, but he was afraid it came off that way.

"Can't. Maria wants to yell at me." Beecher went to stare out the window. "Later."

"I'll call you," Stabler said. He wasn't bailing on his promise to take Beecher to buy a computer. Benson smiled, and Stabler took her to lunch. He wanted to know what was going on at work.

********

Toby watched them leave. They were partners, and it showed in the subtle communication. They could talk and not say a word. He wished Stabler would talk with him occasionally. Oh well. Toby sat down in the chair and tapped his fingers on his leg. There were things he had to do, but all he wanted to do was sit and think about Stabler. Ridiculous. He had to get over it. Hadn't being obsessed with Chris taught him anything? He'd loved Chris so completely that it had destroyed them both. Luckily, that couldn't happen with Stabler because all he wanted was a blowjob every month or so. Toby laughed softly and got moving. He had things to do.

********

Stabler stopped the car in front of the precinct. "Thanks for lunch."

"Going back to painting?"

"I gotta see my shrink, Toby wants to buy a computer, and then back to painting." Stabler sighed. "What did I do on my days off before?"

"You never had any." Benson laughed and got out of the car. He watched her all the way inside the building. It was time to head to the shrink. Damn it. He liked her. He just didn't want to talk to her. Beecher was right about that. Not talking was easy.

Stabler parked the car and forced himself inside. If nothing else, he had to ask her to be his shrink-on-call because he was finished with Huang. Thanks to Beecher. Something else he needed to talk about, damn it.

She smiled at him. "Come in, Elliot."

Stabler forced a return smile. "Good to see you." What a lie.

********

Toby hung up his shirts and shut the closet door. He'd have something to wear for a week or so. The thought had crossed his mind and crossed back that he had no idea if Stabler even did his own laundry. And he wasn't going to ask! Schillinger had left his mark there. Toby couldn't forget it. He'd tried. His phone chimed, pulling him out of Oz.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Toby."

"Hi, Angus." Toby sat down on the couch and got comfortable. He waited for it. Angus had called him after all.

"You did a great job on that case. Thank you." Angus gave a small cough.

"Are you getting sick?" Toby teased. He had a bad feeling about where this was going.

"No." Angus cleared his throat. "I need a favor."

"No." Toby smiled. It was easier to start there and then change his mind. "I mean it."

"Tobias, please. Two cases a week."

"No."

Angus made a sound of despair. "I need your help!"

Toby sighed. He'd had his fun. "Okay. Two a week. Two, not three or four. Two." He was standing firm on that. "I have to work at the precinct now also."

"How much are they paying?"

It was Toby's turn to cough. "Oh, you know cops, not much."

"You're doing it _pro bono_!" Angus made an awful sound. "Excuse me. I'm going to go kill myself."

Toby laughed. "Right. Angus, the apartment building is going to cost money this month instead of make it and I have to buy a computer, if you want me to work on these cases."

"How much?"

"You sound like Dad." Toby would always miss him, but hearing from his brother rankled. He didn't like feeling like the wastrel brother, even if it wasn't a bad description. "Ah, forget it. I'll squeeze by."

"If Johnson had some assets, you wouldn't be in this mess. Did you straighten out your credit cards?"

"Okay, we're done here. Last time I checked, I was the fucking oldest!" Toby didn't snap the phone shut but it was close. "Send the other case tomorrow. Two a week!" And then he shut the phone. He had taken care of the cards right away, but he didn't want to use them for a couple of months just to give everything a chance to cycle through. Damn that Johnson. He'd even shown up one night after Maria had collected the rent. Toby put his head in his hands. It was over. That was what mattered. He was doing fine now. His life was so much better, and he hadn't taken a drink. His phone rang again. This time he actually looked at the caller I.D.

"Hi Elliot," Toby purred. He was pushing his luck, but he couldn't resist.

"Stop that," Stabler growled. It sounded sexy. "I'll be there in a few."

"Forget it." Toby didn't have enough for a computer until next month, if they were getting a furnace. He didn't care all that much. "I'll be at Starbucks." And he clicked off. It wasn't the most polite thing, but Stabler wouldn't care. Toby checked the time. He'd head to Starbucks and then the grocery store to buy some food. At least he had enough for that. Things could be worse. He'd call Angus back later and apologize.

********

Stabler stared at his phone. Beecher had hung up on him. What was going on there? He stuffed it away and started the car. His session had gone better than usual. This time, he'd let out some of the anger that clawed at him, and it was a relief to have it gone. She'd also agreed to come to the station house if he needed her.

Stabler's phone rang. "Stabler."

"This is Angus. Can we talk a moment?"

"Sure." Stabler hoped this wasn't something stupid. "I just spoke to Toby. He's at Starbucks by now."

Angus paused. "Why does he go there?"

"To check his email." Stabler didn't think that information was confidential. "He also likes coffee. What do you need?"

"Sunday dinner. Can you come?"

Stabler thought about it. It was only Tuesday. If something came up later in the week, he could cancel. "Want me to bring your brother?"

"I guess. If you have to." Angus sounded pissy. "Please."

"Okay. Sure." Stabler wasn't going to ask if the brothers were fighting. "I'll mention it to Toby when I get to Starbucks."

"Later." Angus was gone. Stabler stuck his phone in his pocket and raised his eyebrow. They were fighting. That was a first. Well, he was staying out of it. He'd have to be insane to get between two angry lawyers, and Beecher might have a shank on him. Stabler drove faster.

*********

Toby opened the email from Sister Pete and smiled. The COs had their vests. Cragen had come through for him. How he did it was a mystery, but cops had ways of getting things done. Of course, now Toby needed that money, but fuck it. If it saved someone from a shank, it was worth it, ten times over.

"Alex, go away."

Alex slunk off. The young man needed a life. Toby had an email from his brother, and he almost didn't open it. Shit.

_Toby,_

_Sorry I treated you like an idiot. File will go out by messenger Wed a.m._

_Thanks, Angus_

Toby didn't bother to send a reply. He looked at his spam and messages from other people instead. His mother always had something to say.

"I see your boyfriend," Stabler said and sat down across from him with a coffee.

Toby looked straight into Stabler's blue eyes. "I do too."

Stabler didn't look away. "Enough with that. Angus called and invited me to Sunday dinner."

"Give him my regards." Toby deleted some spam. He didn't want to discuss Angus at all, much less with Stabler.

"You're gonna miss seeing your kids for a piss fight?" Stabler sipped his coffee. He didn't look like he cared one damn bit.

Toby closed the browser window and picked up his coffee. "I might."

Stabler shrugged. "Stupid, but I see your point. Why don't I take you on Friday, and pick you up Sunday when I come to dinner?"

Toby narrowed his eyes. It was what he'd wanted, but he'd rather do it on his own terms. "You can pick me up, but I'll find my own way there."

"No." Stabler shook his head. "My way or not at all."

"Any particular reason you're being a hard ass?" Toby asked mildly. He was curious, that was all.

Stabler drank some coffee. "My job."

"That's what I thought. Since I don't have a choice, thank you." Toby tried to get out of the conversation gracefully. "I'm going to the grocery store."

"I'll meet you at the building. Maria wanted me to finish that hallway today." Stabler, and his coffee, disappeared out the door.

Alex wandered by. "Wow. No wonder you blew me off."

Toby laughed, grabbed his coffee, and headed for the store. The checkout girl there was very cute.

********

Stabler changed clothes and went back to painting. It was mindless work that let him think about his session. She was a good shrink, as far as shrinks went, and he wasn't attracted to her, no matter what Benson said.

_"You have to work through the anger. Don't just push it aside."_

Yes, but what if he accidentally killed someone? Or hurt someone? Like Beecher. Stabler hadn't mentioned the black eye. He probably should have.

"You're too busy looking after other people. Find something you want."

He wanted Beecher, but he couldn't tell her that. The label of latent homosexual was something that had to stay out of his file. Mainly because it wasn't true. He still liked women a lot. He just liked Beecher too - a lot. It didn't make any sense. If he ever ran across another guy that he wanted to take to bed, maybe then it would be true. Maybe.

_"Take these days and do something different. Don't sit around and worry about things you can't control."_

Easy to say. It wasn't her friend lying in the morgue waiting for burial. The funeral was Monday. Everyone would go, and so would he. The investigation had stalled. It happened. Something might turn up at some point, but right now, there was no perp to blame, no one to tune up. Benson was pulling out her hair, and there was nothing he could do. It made his stomach hurt.

"Señor Elliot!" Little Maria ran down the hallway and tackled his leg. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Stabler gave her a quick hug. "How are you?"

"Happy." She bounced up and down. "Señor Toby said I could get a pet."

"Like a fish?" Stabler hoped. Little Maria had Beecher wrapped around her little finger.

"Maybe a kitten! Or a hamster!" She bounced some more. "Mama will decide at the pet store. We have more money now."

Stabler went back to painting. "I'm glad. Everyone needs a pet. Fish are good."

"Mama said the tank might bust." Little Maria shrugged. "Are you painting the whole building?"

"I think so." Stabler smiled at her. "Did you do your homework?"

"It was easy." Little Maria sat down close by. She wanted to talk, and she would talk until her mother came to get her. Stabler listened and painted. This was something different, and it wasn't awful. He wasn't angry, and he was glad about that.

********

Toby spotted Stabler and Maria and decided to rescue him. "Maria! I have cookies."

She got up in a flash and barreled towards him. "I can help you carry them."

Toby handed her a light bag. "Thanks. Were you helping Elliot?"

"Of course! He needs a friend." She laughed and ran upstairs. Toby saw the flash across Stabler's face. Stabler did need a friend. Too bad he was stuck with Toby. Toby was a needy bitch, and he knew it. He trudged up another flight and was glad to find the door open for a change. She opened the cookies, grabbed four, and headed back out the door. "I will give two to Señor Elliot!"

Toby nodded. "Okay, but take one for your brother."

She dashed back, got another one, and ran out. He really had to tell her to slow down. Wait. Her mother was yelling at her. That would take care of it. He put the groceries away and started the oven for a frozen pizza. It was better than nothing.

Two cases a week wouldn't be a hardship. He sat down on a barstool and sighed. Angus was too young to be a senior partner, and they both knew it, but with their father dead, and him disbarred, there had been no discussion about it. Toby had quit feeling guilty about it, but he did worry that Angus was in over his head. Maybe it was time for a frank discussion, and if it led to a few curse words, that was fine. The only choice was to call his uncle Shaun- the other Beecher on the bill - and bully an answer out of him. Of course, Angus would try to kill him, but it might be worth the risk.

Toby stuck the pizza in and ate a cookie. Two cases a week wouldn't get Angus in trouble because a real lawyer's name would go on the work. Toby groaned. He didn't want to be involved! But it was the family business, and he had avoided it as long as he could. It was time to help out.

"Still mad, huh?"

"More like resigned to my fate." Toby shrugged. "Your dad was a cop. Right?"

Stabler seemed to ignore the question, going to the bathroom and shutting the door. Toby knew the answer. Someone had mentioned it down at the precinct.

"Yes. He was." Stabler stepped out of the bathroom and took off his shirt. "Are we done? Can I shower?"

Toby suddenly remembered that Stabler had spent time at the shrink. Shutting up about everything was a very good idea. "Yeah." He looked away from Stabler's bare chest.

The bathroom door shut again, this time a little bit harder. Toby went to stare out the window. He had a few days to think about it, but he was going to the cemetery this weekend. He'd buy a bike. Shit. No, he wouldn't. He'd run. Did Angus have a bike? Toby had no idea, but it was possible. Damn. More people were making demands on his time. It was time to buy a day calendar. He could afford that.

********

Stabler wrapped the towel around his hips and picked up his clothes. He dumped them on the floor by his closet and sighed. It was time to do laundry and take his shirts to the dry cleaner. Well, he wasn't doing much else this week besides painting. Beecher was busier, and he didn't have a job.

"Want to roll around on the bed?"

Stabler glanced over at him. Beecher was close to drooling. He took another step. Stabler wasn't sure he wanted to be touched. Talking to the shrink always made him feel exposed, vulnerable, and he didn't like it. Beecher must have seen it because suddenly he turned and walked out. Stabler reached and shut the door. He wasn't ready to be intimate in the daylight. It was tough to admit it, but he wasn't.

"Pizza's ready!"

Stabler put on some briefs and jeans. He grabbed a sweatshirt, shrugged into it, and went to eat. Wanting Beecher and getting him were two different things, and thinking about condoms wasn't possible, not yet.

*********

Toby strained to push out the last rep and was glad Stabler was there to put the weights down. "God damn, I'm a pussy!"

Stabler laughed and took his turn, adding weight, of course, the fucker. Toby wiped his face with his towel and took a small sip of water. He watched, but Stabler didn't need a spot. Stabler grunted and dropped the weights down. "Damn, you're a pussy!"

"Fucking funny." Toby used the towel to wipe the sweat off Stabler's chest. "If I weren't staring at your crotch, I could do it!"

"Right." Stabler snatched the towel and rubbed his face. He stood and threw the towel back. "Let's do squats."

"You go ahead. I'm going to do crunches." Toby sighed at the expression on Stabler's face. "Oh fine. Embarrass me some more."

"We can go running in the morning."

"Promise?" Toby smiled. That was a happy thought. Stabler nodded, and Toby got ready to do squats. His legs might fall off tomorrow, but he'd live. "How's the furnace deal coming?"

"He'll be here tomorrow. The security guy too. They'll work with Maria. She's going to give them half up front and half next month." Stabler took a deep breath and went down. He came back up and breathed out.

Toby got behind him, but he wouldn't need help. It wasn't that much weight, not for him. "That's reasonable. Thank you."

"Hey, you're not made of money." Stabler paused. "Are you?"

"No." Toby helped Stabler get the weight off his shoulders. With a jerk, Toby put them on his own. It wasn't too heavy, but it would be after ten reps. "Thanks for taking care of that."

"Stop talking."

Toby regulated his breathing and started going down. At five, his leg let him know that he was an asshole. "Off, please."

Stabler took the weight off. "Leg?"

Toby bit back curse words that made him look like a skel, nodded, and sat down to rub his leg. Damn. Vern would laugh at him. Hell, Chris would too. Stabler did ten more, and then halved the weight. Toby put it back on his shoulders and did five more. "Motherfuck!"

Stabler helped him again. Toby watched him blow through his last set before taking off the last of the weight. "Just the bar."

Toby nodded and did five. He wanted to throw up. It ached, and it was embarrassing as hell. When he was finished, he sat on the floor and waited for the fog to clear from his brain.

Stabler tossed the towel to him. "Knee or calf?"

Toby didn't answer. He didn't have any words that weren't rude. When his breath came back, he started doing crunches. Stabler pushed the weights farther back on the floor and joined him. Toby tried not to think for a hundred reps, and then he collapsed back. He'd lay here until his body wanted to move.

"It's the knee, isn't it?"

"Yes!" Toby shouted. "Now shut the fuck up about it!"

Stabler reached out and put his big hand flat on Toby's chest. "For a lawyer, you have a lot of pride."

Toby tried not to laugh. It wasn't funny. Shit. He laughed softly and put his hand on Stabler's. "My shrink would explain that the fear of being recognized as the failure I am forces me to overreact to challenges."

"He said that?"

"Well, yeah." Toby sat up. "It's pretty accurate. I've pretty much failed at everything."

Stabler got to his feet and stuck out his hand. "Join the club. We have jackets."

Toby let Stabler pull him up. "Hopefully, there's an open bar." He shook out his muscles and made it to the fridge for water. Tossing Stabler one, he wiped some more sweat off. He was going to need a shower, but it could wait. "You don't like lawyers, do you?"

"Uh," Stabler said with a grin.

Toby popped open his water. "It's okay. No one does. I don't know how many times I nearly got shanked just for being a lawyer."

Stabler stopped grinning. "I'd have guessed that you provided free advice to every murderer in the place."

"Yeah. Did that. Didn't work out." Toby wasn't going to rehash all that shit. He changed the subject. "You're a good painter. You could make a fortune in this city."

Stabler drank some water, wiped his mouth, and said, "I'm a cop."

"Oh yeah. Well, Maria is going to keep you busy for the next five years, so it doesn't matter."

"What happens after that?" Stabler gave him a strange look.

"I assume you'll run for your life." Toby smiled and sat down. He hurt all over, and basically, it felt pretty good. Stabler didn't reply, and Toby decided to shut up. For Stabler, it had been a rough day, so it was time to say nothing at all. They watched TV, and when the show was over, Toby hit the shower.

"Can I rinse off with you?"

Toby's jaw hit the floor, but managed to squeak, "Sure."

Stabler came around the curtain, and the shower was suddenly very full. Toby squeezed over so some of the water hit Stabler. Their bodies rubbed, and Toby took a long breath that came up from his wet feet.

"Feels good."

Toby saw the glint in Stabler's eyes. "Yeah. You look like you want to ask me something."

"I do." Stabler pulled Toby so they were chest to chest.

The water sluiced over them, and Toby forgot to listen. He had to replay it twice before the words sunk in his brain. "I've been tested. Do you think I'm a fucking idiot?"

Stabler held him so he couldn't jerk away. "No. I don't. Did you use a condom with Tom?"

Toby wanted to deck him and then kick him in the ribs.

"That vein in your forehead isn't an answer, but I can see you're thoroughly pissed." Stabler found the soap and used it. He didn't look worried. Toby forced his fists to become hands again, and then he turned around so he didn't have to look at him. Leaning into his arms, he waited for his temper to dissipate. Stabler soaped Toby's back. It should've felt good.

"Have you had sex with anyone other than Tom? Like that guy at Rikers?"

That was it. Toby lost control. He felt it slip away down the drain. "Elliot, if this is your idea of foreplay, you have a few things to fucking learn!"

Stabler rinsed them both off. "You wanted me to think about it. I did, while I was painting."

"I wanted you to decide if we should ass fuck each other, not quiz me about my slut lifestyle!" Toby roared. "Of the two of us, I think I'm better versed in the perils of AIDS. I'm clean. Are you?"

"Yes. Tested last month." Stabler shrugged, turned off the water, and reached for a towel. He gave it to Toby and got another one. "You're not a slut."

Toby rubbed his face and tried to think rationally. He was dealing with a cop that had spent a good number of years investigating sex crimes. There was nothing he hadn't seen. Toby suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope. He watched his hands shake from anger as he toweled off. "I'm so mad I can't think straight."

Stabler hung up his towel and crossed his arms. "So you don't really want to talk. You want me to shut up and bend over. Learned a few things from your Nazi buddies, huh?"

"That's over the line!" Toby yanked the door open and did his best to hit Stabler with it. "When I find a shank, your ass is dead!"

"I hid them." Stabler sounded so calm that it was infuriating. This was the crazy man that had blackened Toby's eye? It didn't seem possible. Toby pulled on some sweats and managed not to pound the closet door. He sat down on the futon and tried not to fantasize about putting an airhole in Stabler's chest. He still felt a little guilty for those two he'd put in Chris's back, which was ridiculous since Chris had forgiven him.

Stabler was back. "So, are you clean?"

"Yes!" Toby hid his face in his hands, ignoring the lingering ache from his eye. "And yes, I used a condom with Tom, and the thing at Rikers was blowjobs only, and no, I haven't been with anyone else, except this one girl that we're not discussing!"

Stabler sat down next to him. "Couldn't get it up, huh?"

Toby punched him in the stomach, not too hard. Stabler oofed, and Toby felt much better. "We're not talking about it!"

"Oh, come on. You can tell me." Stabler coughed a little. "I earned it."

Toby finally looked at him. "No. Are we finished talking? I want to kill you."

"Then we're done." Stabler rubbed his stomach. "You're the one who wanted to discuss sex."

"I wanted to discuss us having sex, not my HIV status, and my sluttish habits." Toby was having a hard time staying angry with Stabler's warm body right next to him. He tugged at Stabler's sweats. "No underwear?"

"I need to do laundry."

Toby found himself pulled closer, and he quit fighting, relaxing down on Stabler's chest. "I hate you."

"You should." Stabler smoothed Toby's wet hair back. "Get a haircut."

"I like it long. Otherwise, I look like a geek lawyer."

"Which is what you are." Stabler hugged him. "I've had enough talking for one day."

"Me too." Toby slid his hand inside Stabler's sweats. "Can we roll around on the bed now?"

Stabler sighed and pulled Toby's hand out. "After the news. Maybe."

Toby resigned himself to the maybe. "Why did you get tested?"

Stabler got up and headed for the TV. "I gave CPR to a guy with AIDS."

Toby would have never of thought of that. "You're a hero, and I'm a whore. Typical."

*********

Stabler got up after the news and went to organize his laundry. Beecher was in his room pouting or crying or something destructive, not that Stabler blamed him. Talking had been a very bad idea. He'd tried to sound rational, and Beecher had gone ballistic. Stabler tossed the soap in the basket, found some quarters, and headed for the laundry room. He'd probably have to paint it next.

One of the Muslims from the first floor came in and took the other washer. Stabler didn't really know him.

"I am Sharif Omar," he said. "You are Beecher's roommate?"

"Elliot Stabler." Stabler added the soap and shut the lid. He pushed the quarters in and was glad when the water started. Maria would make him fix it otherwise. He kept a book in his laundry basket, and he found a chair to sit and read.

"You're a detective?"

"Yep." Stabler glanced at him. "You?" He didn't want to talk, but he didn't want to be rude.

"I work at the bakery three blocks away." Omar didn't even attempt a smile. "I guess you're a friend of Natalini's."

Stabler shrugged. He wasn't going to talk about that. Concentrating on his book was becoming harder.

"You are aware that Beecher is unnatural?"

Stabler raised his eyes from the page. "I want to read."

"You are polluting yourself by living with him."

Stabler didn't look up again. After a while, the Muslim wandered out. Why the hell would Beecher rent to a bunch of guys that had no respect or even a pinch of gratitude? It didn't make any sense. When did Beecher make sense? Stabler went back to reading. When the washer quit, he transferred the clothes to the dryer and knew Omar would be back soon.

"Beer?"

Stabler grinned and took it from Beecher's hand. "Thanks."

"Sorry I freaked out on you." Beecher slumped down in a chair across the room.

"It's possible that I provoked you." Stabler took a long drink. "Tell me about the girl."

"You'll have to arrest me." Beecher wouldn't look at him. Stabler waited. He might get lucky if he didn't push. It had to be a good story.

Omar came in the laundry room. He pointedly looked away. Stabler watched them. Beecher said nothing and didn't look as if he cared. Omar put his clothes in a dryer and walked out. His body language said it all - he thought Beecher was a piece of shit.

"Why do you rent to him?"

"He needed a place to live." Beecher yawned. "I'm going to bed."

Stabler raised his beer. "Thanks."

Beecher got up and came over to him. "Okay. I'll tell you. I went out clubbing, found a girl, and was having a nice time. At some point, I had my tongue down her throat when I realized that a man's hands were on my ass."

Stabler nearly choked on his beer. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Did you shank him?"

"No." Beecher rolled his eyes. "He was cute. Anyway, she was willing to, you know." He pointed at his crotch. "But only if I did it with her boyfriend."

"What?" Stabler put the beer down. He was about ready to drown. "I don't get it."

"She blows me. I blow the boyfriend. He gives us a bag of ecstasy." Beecher threw up his hands. "It's easier to get laid in Oz than New York!"

Stabler tried not to laugh. He couldn't help it. He laughed. "Okay, I have to arrest you for possession of stupidity!"

"Funny." Beecher got up. "How do you know I turned them down?"

"You're easy, but not for sale." Stabler picked up his book. "I'm telling Munch that story."

Beecher left in a huff. Stabler drank his beer and read some more. Suddenly, he realized that Beecher hadn't slept with Benson, or he was lying about it. No. They hadn't slept together. Stabler smiled. He was glad.

*********

Toby organized the weights and made enough room to pull out the futon. He stripped to his boxers, found a blanket, and crashed. His muscles ached and he was tired. Stabler's bed was a bad idea. Toby wasn't going there unless invited or dragged. He had enough shame issues that there was no way he would ask to be thrown out of bed. The little lamp on his table was on low, and he impulsively turned it off. For one night, he'd try to sleep in relative darkness. There was some light coming in the window, and the light in the living room was on. It wasn't dark. He wasn't in the hole. He could sleep.

_"To-bi-as."_

_"Fuck off, Vern. I'm sleeping here."_

_"Nah. You're waiting for me."_

_Toby looked around the quad. "See that fellow over there?"_

_"Keller? He don't give a shit about you. I saw to that."_

_"That's Stabler." Toby laughed. "He'd snap your neck for fun."_

_Vern slunk away, and Toby rolled over to go back to sleep._

********

Stabler put his clothes away and heard Beecher muttering in his sleep. He didn't sound happy. Stabler went to Beecher's room and noticed the lamp. He put it on low and dropped a kiss on Beecher's forehead. "Go to sleep."

Beecher rolled over and didn't open his eyes. He was asleep. Stabler stopped in the doorway and considered joining him, but if Beecher was in here, he wasn't interested. After today's conversations, it wasn't a surprise.

The bed was cold, and Stabler put a pillow at his back. It might help. He shut his eyes and tried not to think about the day. It all jumbled together. The shrink, Cragen, Beecher in the shower, Muslims, Maria, and Angus: they all ran around shrieking at the top of their lungs. Stabler groaned softly. He couldn't wait to go back to work.

********

Toby heard Stabler banging around and stretched. His hope that he'd slept the night without the light dashed to the floor when he saw that it was on - Stabler had done it. Toby had probably been screaming or something. Shit. He folded the futon to a couch, took care of the blanket, and went to find the coffee he could smell. His leg ached, but it would loosen up. He got a mug and considered kissing Stabler good morning, but it wasn't a good idea.

"You're limping."

"It'll loosen up. You're usually at work by the time I limp out of my room." Toby yawned and drank some coffee. "You make pretty good coffee for a cop."

"Thanks." Stabler was stretched out on the couch, watching TV. "Sleep good?"

"Okay." Toby had no idea what Stabler wanted to hear. "I missed your morning woody."

"Are you being a wiseass?"

"Yes." Toby found a chair, sat down, and rubbed his leg. "Are you hanging out here today?"

"Nothing else to do," Stabler grumbled.

"Would you meet with the furnace and security people with Maria? She's easily intimidated by white men, please?" Toby tacked that on. It couldn't hurt. He had a thought and went to his room. The checkbook was in the closet in a box, and he took it to the counter, found a pen, and signed two checks. He tossed it to Stabler. "Here. Go wild."

Stabler looked at the checkbook and then him. "Are you nuts?"

"That's been established in a court of law. You need to accept it and move on." Toby found his coffee and sighed happily.

"What's my budget?"

Toby thought it over. "Not more then thirty grand this month, okay?"

Stabler about dropped the checkbook. He put it on the coffee table. "You should do it."

"I don't think I'll have time. Messenger is bringing something from Angus, and I have some other stuff I have to do. If you don't mind, they're your friends."

Stabler rubbed his face. "Okay. It was my idea. I'll get you a good deal."

"Thanks." Toby meant that. He took another drink. "Are you going running with me?"

"I have people to meet." Stabler grinned.

Toby laughed and went to find his clothes and Nikes. If Stabler could get him a good deal, it would make the month's finances much easier. He'd get with Maria and go over the bills after his run. At least she had a good computer. Thanks to Angus. Angus. Toby stopped being angry. It was stupid to have a 'piss fight' with his brother. He tied his shoes; made sure he had his keys, and headed for the door. Stabler was still on the couch.

"Want a kiss?" Toby teased. He expected nothing.

Stabler spread his legs a little, rubbed his crotch, and smiled. Toby about fell over dead from the burst of lust that took over his body. He stumbled on his way to the couch and stupidly dropped to his knees. Stabler laughed and pulled him close for a quick kiss.

"Easy. Easy."

"Shut the fuck up." Toby couldn't summon up a glare though. He was afraid he was staring dreamy eyes at him. Stabler smiled. Toby got to his feet and fled without even a shred of dignity. He opened his phone when he hit the street and pushed his speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Angus." Toby paused for one beat. "I'm sorry I acted like a prick."

"You had good reason." Angus sighed heavily. "You've never asked for money from the firm, not even your first month out. I guess I was shocked."

"I've never been short before." Toby hoped it didn't happen again. "My fault, completely. I should have gone to a few meetings."

"Or told Stabler you were being robbed!"

"I can see this isn't going to a happy place." Toby started stretching. "Don't worry about it. I'm going to do some creative restructuring and be fine."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No. I could come up with something better than that!" Toby switched his phone to the other ear and stretched the other leg. "Seriously. Don't do anything that'll piss me off."

Angus was quiet.

"Don't," Toby snapped.

"Fine. I won't." Angus didn't sound happy. "Are you coming Sunday?"

"Stabler says I can come Friday and stay until Sunday, when he comes for dinner." Toby hoped it was okay. "Would it be a problem?"

"Hell no. Whatever we're doing, you can get in the car with us. That's great. Call Mom and tell her." Angus hesitated. "Please."

"I'll get her off your ass this weekend. I promise." Toby sighed. It was always something. "We'll talk more about money and shit when I get there. Okay?"

"Good." Angus meant that. "The file will be there by noon."

"Okay. Gotta run. Bye." Toby stuffed the phone away and started slow. His legs ached, but he was going.

********

Stabler watched from the window as Beecher crossed the street. Beecher pulled out his cell and started talking. Angus. For sure. If Stabler knew brothers, and he did, they were fighting about money, Beecher's lack of it and how the law firm fit into the problem. Stabler had assumed that Beecher got a cut, but maybe not. Maybe he relied on this building. After all, it wasn't as if he lived the good life. Hell, he owned almost nothing, which was Johnson's fault, but even before that, things had been sparse, and with the curfew, he hadn't gone out partying, not much.

Beecher put the phone away and started jogging. He disappeared quickly, but Stabler stayed at the window. He knew he'd done the right thing when he'd signed the papers taped to the fridge. Beecher's life was better, and he was still sober. Stabler went to get another cup of coffee. His life was also better, and he almost felt guilty for arranging it that way. Almost.

********

Toby took the package from the messenger and tipped him. It was a box, not a manila envelope. What the hell? This was some case. He took it to the counter and opened it.

"Damn him!"

"Girly magazines?"

Toby shook his head and pulled out a laptop. It was complete with power cord, and it had a file on top of it. "I'm gonna beat the shit out of him."

Stabler looked over Toby's shoulder. "Yeah. That sucks. Let me hit him too." He laughed.

"Shut up." Toby saw the note on the file, and he read, "Toby, all my associates have one. This is the firm's, not yours. When you quit, and I'm sure you will, I want it back. Angus."

"He knows you pretty well." Stabler grabbed a soda from the fridge. "This means you're working for him, and you're supposed to tell your PO if you get a job, section two, paragraph twelve."

Toby glared at him. "There is no such section, and it's two cases a week. That is fucking all." He opened up the computer and turned it on. It booted up, and he watched. It was pre-loaded with software that would make doing lawyer shit much easier. "I'm still gonna punch him."

"Hey, you only get free coffee at the precinct. A computer is much nicer." Stabler wasn't moving away. He was very close, and he smelled good. "Can I work for Angus?"

"Probably. He's dumb enough to hire me." Toby rubbed his temples. "I argued, I fought it, I said no fifty times, and here I am. I'm such a wimp."

"He's your brother. Help him out." Stabler was even closer. What the hell was he doing?

Toby flipped through the programs. Part of him was grinning, but part of him felt like a beggar. Shit. He shut it down. He'd work on the case in a minute or two. First, he wanted lunch. "I'm starved. Did you cook lunch while I was gone?"

"No." Stabler's finger caressed the back of Toby's neck, curling into Toby's hair. "It wasn't on my list of things to do."

Toby sighed and knew what he wanted for lunch. He edged back and pushed. Stabler didn't move. He was like a tree. "Did you make some decision while I was sleeping that I should know about?"

"My shrink said it would be good for me to get something that I wanted." Stabler brushed his lips across Toby's neck. "I pick you."

"I may have to send her a thank you card." Toby didn't want to turn around. He wanted, well, he wanted it.

Stabler moved away. "You have to work. It can wait."

"You're trying to make me more insane. I see the plan now." Toby turned and poked Stabler in the chest with his finger. "Go buy condoms. Lots of them."

Stabler pulled himself back. "I'm not ready for that."

"Well, I am." Toby took the laptop and the file to the chair he liked by the window. "And you may not be ready, but your cock is."

"I have some painting to do while I wait for the security guys." Stabler adjusted his jeans. It still showed. "I'll do some more thinking."

"God help me." Toby refused to stare at Stabler's crotch another second. "I hope you're not waiting for me to make the first move."

"I'm not." Stabler shut the door behind him. Toby started the computer again. He wanted fucked. Hard. By Stabler. It was irrational, and it didn't go very far to proving that Toby was a top, but he wanted it. Stabler might never allow Toby to top him, and Toby didn't care one bit. Being held and loved by Stabler would be enough to keep him satisfied. Hell, Toby had been satisfied with friendship, but if he could manage to get it all, wow, it would be perfect. He'd have to be careful not to fuck it up.

********

Stabler cleaned the rollers in the small janitor closet in the basement and then put everything away. The building was painted, except for the laundry room, which didn't need it. It looked pretty good too. He was a good painter. A fortune, huh? Maybe he could paint on the weekends. He laughed softly. He'd rather go see his kids, which was the plan for this weekend. Hopefully, they could spend the night on Saturday. He'd call Kathy tonight and suck up big time.

"Stabler? You down here?"

"Hang on." Stabler shook his hands off and trotted up the stairs. "Darren!"

"Good to see you." Darren stuck out his hand. Stabler looked at his, covered with paint, and shook his head. Darren laughed. "I didn't know you owned a building."

"I don't. Helping out a friend." Stabler laughed now. "Rat Squad would be all over that."

"They would." Darren smiled. He was a good guy, even if he'd gotten out of the cop business. "A little girl let me in and told me you were down here."

Stabler wondered why little Maria wasn't at school. "Let's go upstairs and talk. Maria, the building manager, will want to be in on this."

"Good." Darren rubbed his hands together. "I have all the latest. You'll want one of each."

Stabler didn't doubt that. "I'm on a budget." He tried to look sad. "But I'm sure we'll come to an agreement."

Darren gave him a look and sighed. "Uh oh."

"Yeah." Stabler smiled.

********

Toby wanted to bang his head on the laptop. Four hours on this and he probably had that many to go. There had been a day when this didn't bother him at all. He'd simply done it and then gotten a stiff drink. Knowing that there was no drink at the end made it more difficult. It was almost if the law had become irrevocably tied to his drinking. He litigated. He drank. It’d been a cycle of love that had killed a girl and destroyed his life and wrecked his family. The bodies were piled high and deep and it all came back to the law. The first time he'd been paroled, he'd skipped gaily back into it. He'd thought he was handling it, but then Chris waggled his lower lip at him, and he was back in Oz. Chris had betrayed him, but Toby had gone willingly. Why? Angus still wanted to know why.

Chris's motivations had been simple. He'd loved Toby so much that he couldn't turn loose of him. It had been sick and wrong, but understandable. Toby sighed and leaned back. His reasons for doing it were much more complex. He'd known he was taking a huge risk for Chris. Love? Love had made him do it? Not likely. It had been the stress of being a lawyer without the booze to take the edge off. It had made him vulnerable, even stupid. He shut his laptop and got up to get a soda. The beer in the fridge winked at him, and he went ahead and pulled out a bottle. So easy. So easy. And it wasn't about the beer; it was about being a lawyer.

"I don't want to drive to Oz tonight."

Toby, controlled his flinch of surprise, opened it, and handed it to Stabler. "I never wanted to be a lawyer."

"So why'd you go to Harvard and spend all that money?" Stabler took the beer and found a seat on a barstool.

"Family tradition, I guess. I didn't know what else to do. I was smart enough that it came easy." Toby popped his soda, put it on the counter, and stretched his back. "I'm not bragging."

"I know." Stabler pulled the checkbook out of his back pocket and tossed it down. He didn't say anything about it. Toby ignored it. He'd deal with it later. Stabler took another drink. "So tell Angus no."

"Not that easy." Toby wished it was. He sat down and took a drink of Coke. It wasn't beer and it sure didn't have whiskey mixed with it. He was disbarred. He wasn't a lawyer, not any longer. Any lackey could do these little cases that Angus sent over. It didn't mean anything. He couldn't take it seriously.

"I know cops that can pull a double shift without touching the booze, but the instant they're off, they head to the bar and don't come up for air for another eight." Stabler spoke softly. He might have been talking about himself, but he wasn't. "It's like they can't do one without the other. They're good cops."

Toby felt something inside him take a deep breath of air. Stabler understood. He did, and it was a relief that he didn't think Toby was a freak. "I don't know if it's years of habit or what, but it's hard to do one and not the other."

"Want me to tell him?"

Toby could see that Stabler was serious. "You would get between two lawyers?"

"Not without my gun, but yes." Stabler nodded at him.

"Don't even think about it. I'm going to talk to him this weekend. I figure that if he actually needs my help, something's wrong." Toby drank some more soda. That had to be it because he wasn't that great of a lawyer, never had been.

Stabler swallowed some beer. "It might be that he needs you involved in some capacity to make himself feel better about the job he's doing."

Toby could hardly believe that. They were brothers, but not twins. "If that's it, Angus is in deep shit. He's a much better lawyer than I ever was. Of course, he doesn't drink."

Stabler shrugged. "Don't work for him if it is going to cost you your sobriety."

"My PO speaks and I listen." Toby wandered over to the window. He rotated his neck and stretched. Dinner was first and then he'd finish the case. "Eat in or out?"

"I've been here all day. Let's grab a sandwich somewhere."

"Since you just opened your second beer, let's walk." Toby turned and went over to Stabler. "You drive bad enough sober."

Stabler looked down at his filthy shirt. "I'll take my beer to the shower."

"Good idea. Did you have to fix the furnace again?"

"Yep, but it'll be gone soon enough." Stabler shut the bathroom door. Toby picked up the checkbook and started crunching numbers. Stabler didn't get paid until Friday. They were both about busted.

*********

Stabler tried not to think about the last time he'd had a shower. His cock was thinking about it though. Lately, he was nothing but a hard-on. It was almost embarrassing. Beecher had to feel crowded. Stabler sighed. He had no idea what Beecher was thinking and asking would only cause problems.

Beecher was staring when Stabler stepped out. The towel didn't seem to hide much. Stabler blurted, "What?"

Beecher strolled over. Stabler had a feeling that he should run, but he didn't. He waited for it. Beecher smirked. "Dinner could wait."

It was the smirk that pushed Stabler away. "I'm hungry." He shut the door in Beecher's face. Doing something with him when he was smug was impossible. Stabler opened his closet, found some jeans, and slid them on.

Beecher pushed the door open slowly. "Sorry about that." And he was gone.

Stabler laughed softly. He got into his favorite black sweatshirt and combed his hair. Checking his wallet, he sighed at his last twenty. Payday couldn't come soon enough, and he went out to face his horny roommate.

*********

Toby opened up the laptop, spread out the file, and got back to work. Dinner at the deli had been quiet. He'd screwed up playing horny for Stabler, so he'd kept his mouth shut. Stabler had seemed relieved, and now he was camped out in front of the TV. Toby put his hands over his eyes, took a deep breath, and put himself in the case. If he concentrated, he could get finished tonight.

"You okay?"

"Yes." Toby checked over the work he'd done earlier and got started. He blocked out the TV, Stabler, and his need for a drink. When he finished, the TV was off, Stabler was gone, and the craving was stronger than ever. Toby slowly put everything away, making sure to write down his hours. He stood and stretched. No booze. No booze. Going to the window, he had a strange thought. When he'd worked Stabler's divorce, it hadn't been like this. Maybe, just maybe, it was the type of litigation, not the law itself or maybe it had built up, or maybe he was just nuts.

"Come to bed."

Toby jumped. "Don't do that!"

Stabler crossed his arms, and in the dim light, he looked angry. "Please come to bed."

"Give me a minute." Toby rubbed his hands through his hair. "You scared the shit out of me."

Stabler disappeared back into his bedroom, and Toby went to piss. He stared at himself in the mirror and tried to find an answer in his own eyes. Not much there. He wanted a drink, tits, or even a hard fucking, anything to feel something other than numb. How could his chosen profession do this to him? Was it the trigger or the cause? He pulled off his clothes and tossed everything on the futon. Going to Stabler was a bad idea. Toby felt desperate, needy, and it always made him a bitch. He reached and shut the door. Stabler would get the idea. Toby ignored the futon and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He needed so much. It was the cornerstone of his addictive personality. Years of therapy, such as it had been, and more of it since he'd gotten out, had made no real impact on the man he was. He could control it, usually, but he'd never change. Never. It scared him.

Schillinger had used it against him. It was easy to control a man who was desperate. Tits had replaced Schillinger, then Chris had replaced tits, then booze replaced Chris, and then it was Chris, always Chris, until the end. When Chris had ended, even booze hadn't worked, and Toby had finally faced it. He was a needy bitch. Locking those needs away had never really worked, but he'd learned to live without them. Stabler had changed all that, and Johnson had thrown fuel on the fire.

"Toby, what's wrong?"

"I can't handle it tonight." Toby pulled his head out of his hands. "Could you please leave me alone?"

Stabler squatted down, but didn't touch him, thank God. "Handle me?"

"Everything." Toby wrapped his arms around his legs and rocked. He could almost taste the scotch, smell the heroin, and feel Stabler's big cock driving into him. So much. He needed so much. "Please."

Stabler sighed and sat down on the floor next to him. That wasn't what Toby wanted. He needed to be alone or he was going to break down and do something he'd regret for years. Stabler didn't move, and he didn't talk.

"My first podmate in Em City was a black man by the name of Simon Adebisi." Toby wasn't sure why he talking, but he had to fill the silence. "One crazy motherfucker. Big guy. The first night, he patted my ass and reassured me that he wasn't going to fuck me, not yet. For some reason, I was frightened." He laughed softly.

"He dead?"

"Yeah." Toby hadn't killed him. "So this white guy, Schillinger, tells me to get a pod transfer. Come bunk with him. We're both white. It'll be fine. I fell for it and switched pods, gratefully. I had no more than made my bunk when Schillinger informed me that I was his property and he'd brand me to prove it to me when the lights went out."

Stabler didn't say anything.

Toby remembered it all so well. Why didn't time fade those memories? "He did. I was. It was sick, degrading, and terrible, but it also filled some need I had to be punished for killing that little girl. I'd killed her. Didn't I deserve to suffer? And I mean suffer."

"Prison wasn't enough?"

"Guess not." Toby continued, "Schillinger filled that empty space that booze used to fill. He made everything hazy. God, I was a stupid fuck. I feel the same way right now. Empty and afraid that whatever I put in that space will be awful."

Stabler stood. "Why don't you brick up the space and creep away?"

Toby looked up. An answer or two clicked over in his mind. "Did it work for you?"

"Well." Stabler glanced away and then back. "For a while. Lately, the bricks have been falling down."

Toby understood completely. "You might as well pull it apart. I'm afraid that I want to stuff you in that space and it'll destroy whatever it is we have."

Stabler reached, clasped Toby by the forearm, and hauled him up. "Nobody is stuffing me anywhere. Probably you need to forgive yourself for killing her and let the weeds grow up."

Toby didn't think he could ever do that. "Who do you need to forgive?"

"My father and myself," Stabler said softly. "It ain't easy."

"Sure as fuck isn't." Toby let Stabler pull him towards the bed. Stabler pushed him on it, yanked the covers up, and curled around him. Toby shivered a little. He didn't want this, he craved it, and he was scared of that fact. "Don't let me drink."

"You won't." Stabler was there. It was enough. Toby shut his eyes and stared at that empty space until he fell asleep.

*********

Stabler woke up slow and easy. He remembered that he didn't have to go to work, and the warm body next to him was an invitation to start the day right. His hand encountered a muscled chest and his brain flipped over. Not Kathy. Not even a woman.

"Are you groping me?"

"Does seem that way," Stabler managed to say. There wasn't any part of him that had expected a man to be in his bed. Beecher pushed back against Stabler's hard cock. Stabler noticed that his cock didn't mind the change in venue. What the hell was it with Beecher that made him attractive? Stabler knew he didn't have the resources to figure it out. He'd accepted it, reluctantly. With a start, he realized that Beecher was stark naked. Stabler's cock was prodding him in the ass.

"You stopped."

"Yeah." Stabler couldn't think of another word. He was careful not to shove, since his underwear was failing him. Beecher wasn't moving, just breathing. He might be waiting. Stabler had no idea what he wanted to do. It was as if his gears had seized up.

"I could go make coffee."

Stabler thought that was a good idea, but his dick didn't think much of it. After the night that Beecher had had, why wasn't he running away? Stabler ignored his dick. "Do you, uh, need me?" He flushed.

Beecher laughed softly, but he didn't turn so they could see each other eyes. "I crave you, forget need. I ache for you. I hunger for a taste. I'd throw myself in front of a subway train for three seconds on the end of -"

Stabler clapped his hand over Beecher's mouth. That was more than enough. Talk about too much information! Beecher moved away by rolling to his stomach. Stabler's cock was very disappointed.

"Better?" Beecher mumbled around Stabler's hand.

Stabler was tempted to agree, but it would be a lie. "Sorry. As my shrink would say, I'm conflicted."

"Your brain is arguing with your cock. I know. I've been there." Beecher tucked a pillow under his chin. "Did you talk to your shrink about it?"

"Hell no!" Stabler rolled to his back and laced his fingers behind his head. The covers hit him chest high, but he wasn't cold. "The label 'homosexual' is not one I want in my permanent record."

"You're not gay." Beecher laughed. He turned his face towards Stabler. "The problem is that society loves to pigeon-hole people. We're this, that, or the other. You've met plenty of sexual deviants in your line of work, but what are the only ones that piss you off?"

"Pedophiles and rapists." Stabler knew that. He really didn't care what two consenting adults got up to, as long as no one was murdered at the end of it, but this was his dick, and somehow that made it different. "So, what's your point?"

"It's not a big deal that you're attracted to me, and don't deny that you are." Beecher reached and got a hold of Stabler's attraction. Stabler bit the inside of his cheek and wouldn't deny it. He wished he knew why, but it was a stupid question. Very stupid. Beecher stroked his hand up and down in a gentle rhythm, and Stabler let him.

"I know a lot of people that would disagree with that. It is a big deal." Stabler tried not to groan. It felt good.

Beecher pulled his hand away. "You're a big deal." He chuckled. "I'm bi-sexual. I'm not gay or straight. It took years of ass fucking to convince me of it." He burst out laughing. Stabler just stared at him. Beecher was a little nuts lately. It was the lawyer stuff. It was definitely time to talk to Angus, not as Beecher's friend, but as Beecher's parole officer.

*********

Toby stopped laughing when it dawned on him that Stabler thought he was crazy. Oh well. He was, some. He scooted over and rubbed his hands through his tangled hair. "I told you I was crazy. You were warned."

Stabler didn't seem to be sure where to put his hands. "You're not usually nuts."

Toby laughed again, but softly. "Okay. Let me put it this way. Prison convinced me that it's intent and consent that matters, not the sex of my partner."

"Interesting viewpoint." Stabler took a long stretch. Toby watched avidly. He should get the coffee going, but he was enjoying the floor show: all those muscles and beautiful skin. Stabler suddenly speared him with a glance. "You said it was my turn."

"Is that the hang up this morning?" Toby smiled into the face of the glare. "How about we just touch each other?"

"Do you always have a backup plan?"

"Yes." Toby didn't reach for him, not yet. Stabler was still thinking about it. He had no idea what he wanted. Toby could wish all that passion was for him, but he was smart enough to know better. "If you don't want me, it's not a problem."

"For me or you?" Stabler suddenly gave him a lazy smile. "We could talk about it, but that vein in your forehead would pop out and I'd have to run for my life."

Toby rubbed his forehead. He hated that. "Sorry. We were in the shower, I was about ready to come on myself, and suddenly you were quizzing me. It was a shock."

"Got it." Stabler lifted the covers and checked himself out. "But I don't want to mess around with someone that has HIV."

Toby pulled the pillow over his head. He didn't want to talk about that, but he guessed that they did need to clear the air. If he laid it out in simple language, maybe he could get laid. He tugged the pillow off, sat up, and faced him. "Elliot, maybe you're taking this all too seriously. We're friends. I expect you'll still date that cute technician down in the ME's office that Munch told me about, and I may ask out the girl from the grocery store."

Stabler's jaw clenched. "Friends with benefits?"

Now Toby wasn't sure where he should go with this conversation. "Did you intend to take me to Massachusetts and marry me?"

Stabler's eyes bulged and that was answer enough.

"Forget I said that!" Toby threw up his hands. He didn't think he was getting laid now. "Yes, friends with benefits."

"Who else are you going to be friends with?" Stabler growled.

Toby flopped down and put the pillow over his head again. He could talk until he was blue in the face and get nowhere. "No one."

Stabler put a strong hand on Toby's shoulder. Toby sighed at the silence. It was probably a bad sign. It was only Thursday in what was turning out to be a long week.

********

Stabler knew in his gut that he didn't want Beecher messing around with any other guys. If Beecher wanted to date a girl, it would be fine, but no guys, and that was completely irrational. It didn't make any sense, but it was the truth.

"I don't want you putting on those damn leather pants and going out with some guy!"

Beecher pulled his head out from under the pillow. "You think I look sexy?"

Stabler rolled his eyes. That was not the point. "I didn't look."

"Right." Beecher sat up and stretched. "I can tell that this is going nowhere. Coffee, it is."

Stabler wanted to drag him down and kiss him, but coffee was safer. Later was soon enough. Beecher's limp was better this morning, and Stabler wondered if Beecher would go running.

"Hey, are you going to run?"

"Of course." Beecher came back to the doorway from the coffee maker. He was still naked, and his cock hadn't given up yet. "Thanks for your help last night."

Stabler smiled at him. "Not a problem. Are you returning the laptop?"

"I should." Beecher scratched his stomach. He turned and went towards his bedroom, giving Stabler a perfect view of the swastika. Damn thing. Stabler admitted that he hated it. He hated that Beecher had been abused. It was remarkable that Beecher had an ounce of kindness in his soul after what he'd been through in Oz. Stabler found some jeans, left off the shirt, and went to check the coffee. He sat down on a barstool to wait and spotted his mail. It wouldn't kill him to open it.

Beecher took the other barstool, and he was dressed to go jogging. "Are you going to lie around and watch Dr. Phil today?"

"I might." Stabler opened his cell phone bill and groaned at the size of it. "I'll find something to do."

Beecher pulled the bill from Stabler's hand. "Some of that is mine."

Stabler wanted to tear it away from him. It was true, but he didn't want his balls broken over it. "It's not a big deal."

"I assumed you put the phone in my name. What the hell were you thinking? I make calls outside of home consistently!"

Stabler glowered at him. "I put it in my name so I could make a single call and know where you were."

"Cop benefits. I got it, but I should get the bill!" Beecher glared right back at him. "Stupid fucker."

Stabler reached with his right hand before he thought about it. His palm missed because Beecher got the hell out of the way. The sound of coffee dribbling was suddenly loud, and Stabler put his hands flat on the countertop. "I'm sorry. Sit."

Beecher stayed out of range. "I shouldn't have cursed, but you're going to stop hitting me. It's bad enough I have to explain to Harry and Holly about this black eye."

Stabler unclenched his jaw. "You're right. I didn't think. Why don't you divide up the bill?"

"I will." Beecher's eyes were a little wild. Was he scared? Stabler hoped not. He had to get his temper under control. With Beecher, Stabler always seemed to be on the edge of some emotion that he'd rather not face. Beecher put the bill down and poured the coffee.

"Thanks." Stabler sighed. "I'm sorry. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm not comparing you to anyone, but I was smacked around for years at Oz and I've had my fill of it. If you don't want me, that's fine. You don't have to hit me."

Stabler lowered his head. Could the guilt get any heavier? "If it happens again, I'll move out of the building."

Beecher swallowed hard and turned pale. "No! Never mind. It's no big deal. Forget I said anything."

Stabler didn't understand until he had taken two drinks of coffee. It seemed to kick start his brain. "You'd rather take the occasional smack from me than face Natalini."

"I'd rather you didn't hit me at all, but presented with that or Oz. I'll take the black eyes." Beecher shrugged. "You don't mean to do it. You react. It's not a problem."

Stabler shut his eyes and took a drink. Beecher would always make excuses for abuse. It was who he was now. He might fight back, or he might not, but he would excuse it later when the calm arrived. Damn. Stabler looked at him. "Yes. It is. I won't, not again."

"Don't worry about it." Beecher took his coffee to his bedroom. Stabler didn't shout after him. Between last night and this morning, Beecher had to be feeling crappy.

"When's your next meeting with your shrink?"

"Next week." Beecher's voice carried. "I haven't had a piss test yet."

"Set it up and get it done." Stabler wasn't worried about it. "Have the results sent to me at work."

Beecher came out of the bedroom, put his mug in the sink, and nodded. "Where should I send the bill?"

"Didn't you read the small print?" Stabler pointed at the contract.

"Fuck." Beecher brushed his hair back. "Cheer up while I'm gone."

Stabler didn't answer that. He wasn't grouchy. "Don't run past the liquor store."

"You'd rather I go inside?" Beecher picked up the file that he'd worked on and strode out the door. Stabler put his head in his hands. Some small part of him had wanted to have a nice morning with Beecher, but the rest of him had made it impossible. He had to resolve the turmoil that was causing the problem, but he'd be damned if he knew how.

*********

Toby zipped his jacket, leaned against the building, and took a deep breath. Waking up to Stabler's hard cock was heaven, but Stabler not fucking him was hell, and dodging that big hand wasn't much fun either. The fact was that he needed a drink, a big one. He could almost taste it.

"Hi Toby."

"Hey." Toby nodded to one of his tenants. He knew he was acting odd, and the strange look he received confirmed it. Pushing away from the brick, he walked a short distance and then looked up. His eyes knew what they'd find. Stabler. He didn't smile. Toby considered flipping him off, but that would be stupid.

Toby's cell phone rang, and he checked to see who it was before opening it. "Hi, Angus."

"Good morning, Toby. Did you have trouble with that case?"

"No. I'm sending it by messenger in a few minutes. I'm out the door." Toby talked, but his eyes never left Stabler. "Okay?"

"Good. Thanks. I'll look for it." Angus clicked off. He wasn't chatty today. Toby had no idea what was going on with him, but it was time to find out, away from the family. He shut the phone, wrenched his eyes off Stabler, and turned his back on him. A bike. He needed a bike. A backpack also. He'd put it on his credit card. Checking his wallet, he hailed a cab.

********

Stabler knew what that turned back meant. Beecher wasn't happy. Well, who could blame him? The cab was a surprise. Beecher wasn't going jogging. Why not? Stabler finished his coffee and made an impulsive decision. He needed to talk to someone that knew Beecher and could help them both. There was only one person that would fit the bill. He went to get dressed. He'd wear his best tie.

********

Toby weaved his way through the traffic jam. He should have bought one of these months ago. Between the speed and the adrenaline rush, he felt alive. Really alive. He could feel his heart pumping, his knee wasn't protesting, and as long as he kept his eyes open, he might avoid the emergency room.

He locked the bike securely to the stand outside the building and went up the elevator. His brother was going to be surprised. He hadn't been to the firm in years, but it looked the same as he stepped out on the twenty-fifth floor. Well, the carpet seemed new. He stopped at the front desk.

"I have a file for Angus Beecher."

"I'll take it. Thank you." She smiled at him.

"I was given an extra ten to deliver it in person," Toby lied and gave her his best smile. "You mind?"

"Let me call." She picked up the phone and called Angus. Toby wandered a short distance away as if he didn't care. She set the phone down. "He said to go on back. You know the way?"

"I can find it." Toby went the direction of the offices. Had Angus moved into Dad's office? Toby suddenly felt a pang of guilt. He should have cared enough to come down here earlier. It wasn't all about him. His brother had bent over backwards to help Toby. It was time to give something back. "Delivery."

Angus looked up and startled. "Toby!"

Toby smiled. "Hey, bro." He stepped all the way inside and shut the door. "Nice office."

"You said you were sending it!"

"I'm a bike messenger now." Toby pulled off the backpack and took out the file. "Here."

Angus stood and took it. "That's good service. What happened to your face?"

Toby shrugged. "Fell off my bike," he lied. That was the one thing he wouldn't discuss. "Do I look tough?"

"A little rough around the edges." Angus walked over to the mini-bar. "Sit down. Want a soda?"

"Sure." Toby didn't sit down though. He went to look out the window. It was a good view of the city. "Tell me what's going on."

Angus handed him a soda and stood next to him. Their eyes stayed on the city. "In regards to what?"

"Don't fuck with me, Angus. I refuse to believe that you need actual help with these bullshit cases." Toby still didn't look directly at him. It would make this easier. "Tell me what's up."

Angus sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Uncle Shaun."

Toby was glad to hear it was that and nothing worse. "Is he trying to push you out?"

"Not exactly." Angus shook his head and went to sit down. "You know we lost a few clients and fired a few people. We're in transition, and he wants complete control."

"Now tell me how me doing two cases a week helps you deal with that?" Toby didn't get it at all, but he had every confidence that Angus could handle Uncle Shaun, given enough time.

"We're shorthanded, and the less actual cases I have to work, the more time I can spend convincing our other associates that we should stick with our current infrastructure." Angus shrugged. "I've considered giving up and taking a lesser role. We both know I'm too young to have taken on Dad's responsibilities."

Toby didn't answer right away. He drank his soda and thought about it. There wasn't much he could do. He wasn't a lawyer, and Uncle Shaun didn't speak to him and hadn't in more than ten years. "Dare I ask what Mother says?"

"Nothing polite." Angus chuckled softly.

"I can't do this with you. I wish we could run this firm together, but we can't. I don't even want you to put me on the payroll." Toby wandered over to a leather chair and sat. "Dad intended for us to take it over. We'll have to go to the backup plan."

"I already put you on the payroll, and there is no backup plan." Angus opened the file that Toby had worked on and started scanning it. "You do better work than half the people here. It's not fair!"

"Angus, I fucked it up. I did it. I drank. I killed her. I did it," Toby said softly. "Take me off. You can't pay me. It'll look bad."

Angus rubbed his forehead. "I have to pay you! This firm was supposed to be yours!"

"Forget it, Angus. I did." Toby hated this. He'd screwed up everything. "Anyway, you're just taking from the left hand and putting it in the right."

"You have to have assets. We've argued about this before." Angus flipped the page. "I'll take you off, but I'm signing the building back. In addition, I want you to use the fund that Dad set up for you!"

Toby rubbed his knee. He hated discussing this shit. "Sign the building back, but I'm not touching the Oz money. Transfer it into the kid's college funds."

Angus sighed heavily. "It's not blood money! It's money. It's your money."

"Shut up, Angus." Toby got up and leaned against the desk. He didn't want that damn money. It was tainted with death, even if Angus didn't know it. "It can rot or you can put it in the college fund. You decide."

"Fine, but if you come up short again, I want you to tell me how much to put in your account." Angus went to page three.

Toby didn't answer. He wasn't going to do that. He'd thought he could casually ask for a grand or two, but he had too much pride. The building and his few other investments provided plenty. The real problem here was Uncle Shaun and how to get him off Angus's back so Toby didn't have to work cases. Toby could picture his dad in that chair, telling him about the history of the firm.

"Have you checked the charter?"

Angus looked up from the document. "What?"

"Dad and Uncle Shaun entered into a binding, legal agreement. It's spelled out who retains control given what circumstances. I haven't ever seen it, but Dad told me about it." Toby frowned. "You didn't know?"

"How could I?" Angus yelled. "Where the hell is it?"

"In the safe behind that painting." Toby pointed. Surprise warred with amusement. Angus should have known. Toby looked around and smiled. "Dad loved this office."

Angus stared at the wall. "There's a safe behind that? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I thought you knew." Toby got up, pulled the painting back on its hinges, and spun the knob. "Give me a minute - I'll think of it."

"I'm going to kill our uncle. Do you mind?"

"Considering he won't give me the time of day, not really." Toby smiled. "On the way out, I'll speak with him."

Angus walked over to the safe and placed a gentle hand on Toby's shoulder. "He still hates you."

"I know. Like I give a fuck." Toby imagined his father standing here. "Got it." His fingers twisted and turned, and the safe opened easily. "Spend the rest of your morning reading the fine print. You can fight this. You're five times the lawyer I was, even when I was sober."

"Toby, you're a fine lawyer. Three cases a week?" Angus emptied the safe quickly. "And please write that number down for me."

Toby found a pad and wrote it down. "I'll get going. You have the ammunition now to win this war. Three a week, but only until you get a few more people hired." He realized that Angus wasn't listening, put on his backpack, and shut the office door quietly. Well, he had been able to help. His father had died unexpectedly, information had been lost, and it had almost cost Angus the firm. Uncle Shaun was a fucker. Toby was able to find his way to his uncle's office. The prick would never move from the corner.

"Hey, Uncle," Toby said casually.

Uncle Shaun looked up, frowned, and didn't reply. He did pick up the phone. "Security? I need two of you now."

Toby smiled. "If you try to fuck over Angus, I will stop you. You know I have the resources to get it done. Just because I'm not here doesn't mean I'm not watching."

"You're nothing but a drunk!"

"True, but I can still ruin you. Don't push me to do it." Toby smiled dangerously. "Look me in the eye and tell me you understand. I wasn't that drunk, not that night, and I don't drink any longer."

Uncle Shaun flushed. He looked everywhere but at his nephew. "You're nothing!"

"You and I both want it to stay that way. I'd hate to make headlines again." Toby smirked and enjoyed every word. "I wish Aunt Jenny were here to see this family reunion, but go ahead and kiss your lovely wife for me."

"Get out!" Uncle Shaun jumped to his feet, spilling his chair over. "Out!"

"Time to go," the security officer said.

Toby nodded. "I'm finished delivering my message." He ignored his escort to the elevator, smiled at the receptionist, and went down to his bike. That had gone remarkably well.

********

Stabler parked his car and picked up his cell phone. He wasn't going to disobey Captain Cragen, but he needed some answers. He punched in the number and sent a prayer to wherever it would do the most good.

********

Toby locked his bike to the radiator in the lobby of the building. It was his building. He could leave it there if he wanted. He laughed at himself and rubbed his ass. The bike was excellent. He'd take it this weekend when he went to visit Chris. Well, Chris's grave. It still hurt to think that word, but it was time to go face it.

********  
End


End file.
